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03.17.10 Somebody please let me know if they see Get Him To The Greek. Word about town is there are some of my paintings in it & I'm assembling a team of lawyers to sue my way to owning a helicopter, if you know what I mean. LOOK at this Witchbeam contest! When the book of life will need to be rewritten, Jason Polan will be the one asked to write it. There's one light left & that's the science law. FREE SQUIRREL GIVEAWAY PROGRAM. 03.16.10 Oh, Margaret. George Sanders is a jerk. DOWN WITH GEORGE SANDERS. Via Jodi Shapiro: I hope you are not moving to be with this chick. Via Zachariah Chapa: I have a fever and its reminding me of my 23rd birthday. Thanks for coming to Chuck E Cheeses! Via Parveen Arvanite: he keeps my protein in his brain, caught doing klingon/english lit. homework with my worf lunchbox. Update: I met the girl with a seating map, Old Food Packages, LSJTD, Barney Bubbles, maybe awful 1990s hot mix: notes, side a, side b. "Oh my god, i'd so fuck Rudyard Kipling. Rudyard Kipling went to Yellowstone." - Tam Schubb. Erdman on The Ghost & Mrs. Muir: "They were running out of money & the sea captain wrote BLOOD AND SWASH to save the day and then that woman took up with other dude. She's a total fucking asshole if you ask me. " GIANT ART SHOW ON FRIDAY, YOU GO. 03.08.10 Toronto kalimba player Laura Barrett really dislikes a few things about the United States. "The Smarties candies here are hard fruit candies, in Canada they're chocolate with a candy coating, like M&Ms." She also complained of the lack of Coffee Crisp bars and mentioned that some highway billboards are much taller here than they are in her home country, and also complained that many Americans are chubby and dumb. Budding mathematician Tom McGettrick has decided that people are much less interesting to him than numbers. "Numbers aren't malleable, I'm out here looking for a universal truth!" he explained as the stretched sleeve end of his cardigan dipped into the gazpacho he was eating. Bucktown resident Steve Art recently learned how to levitate. "I don't think I'm interested in telling anybody else how to do it, or ever let them watch me levitate," he commented. "I float on my own terms." Claire Rodriguez, a 9th grade student at Pulaski Elementary Fine Arts Academy got absolutely stoned in an alley on the way to school last Tuesday. "I like to smoke marijuana before school," she said. "It really helps me to understand gym." Portland resident Tamarah Schubb has seen every major motion film ever released. Her recent comments on Brewster McCloud include: "HE DIES, which hello Icarus, we know was coming. but what's with Sally Kellerman's scars? Is she gabriel? Do all heroes have to die? Because Frank Shaft died with one eye blue and one eye brown. There needs to be some film criticism going on over this movie. Altman is dead. Criterion better be packaging up something good. Get elliott gould on the phone!" IT IS TRUE, I AM SELLING ALL OF MY THINGS, CALL A DOCTOR. Callie Roach: "Purposeful Street Banging". We're finally going to win this class war. Just last night I woke up thinking, I WANT TO SEE GUS GRISSOM IN SUCCESSION. Tammy was later like: Alice Sweet Alice, all of the free music, life without lyrics. If you Canadian & are listening to CBC radio One at 10am CST, you will hear me all up on it. Two hours ago, Claudia Miriam Gonson told me that I shouldn't move to NYC because I would go crazy there. THANKS A LOT FOR THE SUPPORT. Happy birthday Bob Mehr! 03.04.10 Mortreal's Mira Burt-Wintonick hates hearts of palm. "I accidentally ordered an entire plate of these things in Armenia one time. The little devils (the palm hearts not the Armenians) tricked me into ordering them by calling themselves 'a Millionaire's Salad' but I've never felt like such a pauper in my life," she recently quipped. "Let's just say they don't call it "swamp cabbage" for no reason." Canada's Peter Mallodeen is a terrible co-worker, report employees of Todd's Compu-Fix on Bloor St. in Toronto, Ontario. "He's always late and he smells of meat," reported co-manager Thomas Smutle. Other employees have stated that he's known to be careless with the belongings of others and invasive of private space. Chicago manicurist turned actress Clara Peller had interpreted her Wendy's agreement as allowing her to participate in any commercials for products that did not compete with Wendy's hamburgers. She subsequently signed a contract with the Campbell Soup Company to appear in an advertisement for Prego Pasta Plus spaghetti sauce. In the Prego commercial, Peller examines the Prego sauce and after wondering "Where's the beef?" declares, "I found it! I really found it". However, after the Prego commercial aired on television in 1985, Wendy's mananagement decided to terminate her contract, contending that the Prego commercial "infers that Clara found the beef at somewhere other than Wendy's restaurants". Chicago illustrator Lilli Carré eats popcorn for dinner every night. "I've been doing it for 17 years and I'm certainly not going to stop now," she recently admitted. When asked if she eats other things along with the popcorn, she turned briskly and said, "of course not". Seattle's Tim Cook was recently spotting sitting on a bench next to a person named Astrid. "We're just sitting here, really. There's really not much to say about it," he noted. After 15 minutes, both Tim and Astrid walked to Dick's Hamburgers where they both ordered and ate Deluxe Burgers. Velazquez, Hernandez & Roman walk into a bar. The bartender says, "WHAT'LL IT BE?" Each of them men ordered the same drink, Sasparilla, which was served in this particular bar in a plastic upside-down cowbow hat with a twisty straw. Todd Sanders is a marriage counselor in Evanston, IL. He recently installed a two-way mirror in his office and he allows his friends to view meetings with his clients. I recently watched a woman admit that she was an amateur social climber who "wanted to be Gala but ended up Beth Truss." Also notable: The Sarah Gardiner Power Hour has begun, "the depz", "over over". I'm selling all of my records and moving across the country. You can buy them here. I was worried about moving, but: "You'll be fine, sluts & handkerchiefs." Erin Hosier 2/28/2010 02.22.10 OH, THE MAGIC! The teenager REBZ can do and will do anything that she wants to, as well as move to THE NOLA. Oh look, hot life/love: my favorite valentine, Where's The Beef Bib, HFCMAW, Erin M VS "The Magic Place", Dana K by the car, BK bag, MERCKX, Eel Cat & greppes, this old thing, TINA, Chandra Wilson's best book, Happy Birthday Ruben & Ed, "Giant Haystacks Stops The Haitian Earthquake Of LL Tobins's Birthdate", Le Bag, Lempke, Saddle Shoe, Gardiner PC, Tretorn / Worth Keeping. Wine Rack 1 & 2, NEG ZORK. FYTF, Peter Max & The Cars, TRUE NON LYING FOOD EATER, 88 Skinheadz. UPDATE: "The reason I love Derek Erdman is because he doesn't take life for granted. He wants to love you." Edward Anderson 2/21/2010 "Are you still single? My sister is really up for grabs." Leah Shuckster 2/21/2010 DOUBLE UPDATE: I am from this place. I want to love you. UPDATE AGAIN: "You are not or have you ever lived in Parma." Patty Preston 2/23/2010. Two hours later after my response to her: "ok lol". I love my mother. 02.12.10 Curses cursor, I was tired of living in a pogrom. No, that's good because: buttons, monster(s), Giant Haystacks! Giant Haystacks VS The Haitian earthquake 1983, K-Dog #2, Hot Greppes, URS. We made vegan beef steaks for the Super Bowl party. "Hi derek, I love the music from Joy Division!" - My mother 02/11/2010 Update: Rebekka Eileen Federle is doing it. Update #2: uh oh, I ate this. 02.09.10 "To those humans in whom I have faith: I wish suffering, being forsaken, sickness, maltreatment, humiliation. I wish that they should not remain unfamiliar with profound self-contempt, the torture of self-mistrust, and the misery of the vanquished. I have no pity for them because I wish them the only thing that can prove today whether one is worth anything or not - that one endures."; "I love you more than you know". I've been on the phone for the last 6 hours with Myra McDonald whose father is the president of Proctor & Gamble. Remember that satanic controversy in the 1980s? Well, there was totally something to it, I'll tell you what. Regardless: $35 For Frencher, LPD!, Epistle To Dippy #2, Mormonz VS Fair Warning. You will miss me when I burn. Update: Enough with the Jerkalos already, fer serious. 02.03.10 There are a large number of raps that have not made it to the rap page, so hold on to your horses. Man, I watched the heck out of Erin Brockovich this morning. I'd like to take this space to thank my mother for my rice cooker. Momma, it's one of my favorite things in the world, thank you so much. In other words: Seattlites #1 & #2, FREE ANGELA PETRELLA, things on a stove, kidz on a bus, a waste of 1995, THE BIG BALUT. When I was 13, Marcy Landolfo beat me up, so I interviewed her about it. Not to mention, Kari F. has a Tumblr and she's going to use it. You'd better believe it. HAPPY
BIRTHDAY GEORGE! 01.22.10 There is nothing going on but the rent...& LL Tobin in a Brownie uniform! Check it: Ruben Mendez is a color, die gross, Erin M's "human being", Lilly Gray & the Jugga-Shuckster. Update: HAPPY BIRTHDAY LIZARD CLAYTON! 01.18.10 In 2004 I saw a lot of Haiti with Chuck & George. We found it to be a wonderful & magical place. Here are pages and pages of giant photos of our trip. Today I gave away my copy of Think & Grow Rich to a person called Leah Shuckster. Here are other things: scandies, the back of the big pig, Sarah G VS tacos, terrifying tea, Patty's birth card, the bloodening. I am moving to Austin & Seattle! Go ahead and look at these things for sale on eBay. 01.11.10 I was obsessed with Omegle for 4 hours, but now it's totally boring. Why do things get old so fast? But not Kari F., NO WAY. Chicago Cold War wrote about a hot burner in my neighborhood, totally awesome. I am going to Ohio today. See you there! 01.06.10 Extra fascinating gang graffiti photos. I went to court today for running a stop sign. It was fun! 01.02.2010 Today is a numeric palindrome, oh great. By order of Sally Von Timms, I IMPLORE you to attend the special benefit performance of the 2009 holiday panto titled HO, HO, HO THE HUMANITY on Sunday January the 3rd. Actor Shelly Long will attend! Amy Louvier: thanks a whole lot for the beyond wonderful birthday package. JUST LISTEN to this Eli Porter ringtone for your cellular telephone. Directions. Oh great, more: cakeballs #2, "hey do you want some of this", A LOT OF SADDLE SHOES, the Hipster Grifter needs advice and hates my voicemail message. Christmas trip to Vermont! EXXX-TRA RAD UPDATE: Trading Angela With Starlee Kine! Window To The Sky! When I get emails from Paul Tempest about our childhoods, I'm glad that I've been blessed with a terrible memory. Notice to future employers: in junior high school I pulled 3 fire alarms but only got caught for one. 2010 is going to be the year of honesty! 12.21.09 Whoa, my 11 year old cousin Jeremy sent me this email tonight: Subject: merry christmas "bummer" Body: merry christmas derek! so what do you want? i want a laptop or a aluminum yoyo can you look for a zombie yoyo please that will be the most greatest present ever and you will be the greatest cousin ever can you try hard and try to find an aluminum yoyo please!! well i hope you have a wonderful christmas merry christmas and please look for a zombie yoyo it doesn't matter what color just try really hard merry christmas jeremy! Update: Via Jason Polan, Sasha Morgan became a fan of Robert Pattinson. Double Update: EVERYONE WHO HAS TRIED RYE TRISCUITS AND LIKED 'EM SAY "YEH!". God, I love this picture. 12.19.09 There's 7 sticks of butter in the refrigerator. Why? Because my roommates are re-buyers. Happy Birthday Steven Art! Uh oh, Willie D's going to jail. He's going to sit alone in his four cornered room staring at candles. You missed the panto, you big dummy. It ruled. 12.16.09 Notice: According to a flyer taped to the waiting room wall, The Fullerton & Western Medical Center does body piercing by appointment ONLY. Hi! Happy Birthday! Thanks for all of the wonderful birthday gifts. There were so many and they were all wonderful & then there was karaoke and it sounded like this: 1 2 3 4 5. 15th ANNUAL HOLIDAY PANTO AT THE HIDEOUT 12/17 & 12/18. You come, yes? Here is a bunch of things: In The Army Now, old birthday party flyer, Georgie's sushi card 1 2 3 (do not replicate), George n' notes, Patty Duke had a birthday! Walking Taco, DON'T BUY BERBER, The American Gallery of Juror Art, Princess Sleeves McGee, Bob Peck is famous, Amanda Egge sent me a gorilla suit! Now I am always wearing a gorilla suit. I went to Napa with Sub Pop and all you get is this grainy picture of Ruben Mendez. Feral Kari Ferrell is free and reaching for the stars. They shine so bright, oh so very bright. Update: You can watch the Germs movie on YouTube, but you won't want to. OH SO BAD. ALERT:
MY BIRTHDAY IS ON DECEMBER 6TH. THINGS TO SEND TO ME:
11.27.09 Rap Master Maurice was on CBC's WireTap (listen here) and the onslaught of rap orders from The Great White North has been through the roof. Luckily Kelly Sawatsky from Swift Current, Saskatchewan has become Rap Master Maureen. OH MAN! I went to The Seattle and saw Mudhoney & Tad's new band and ate crab legs for breakfast and slept on a deflating balloon bed and got my life saved by Lacey & Ruben & Sasha & other people and pets. I love that place, here are pictures of it: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9. Bonus things: Dr. Toph Eggers came in to my house, my new best friend is Lauren Marsella, Kurt Cobain Death Bridge Syringe, now I am CASTRO, bear painting in Gabe Wingfield's house: 1 2 3 4, MEXICAN GARBAGE GUTZ, Rap Master Maurice on Wikipedia courtesty of Bob Peck / photo by Jim Newberry. More bonus things: not haunted house, stretch gloves, STRAWBERRY, the unmitigated genius of Whitney "Hamburger" Walker. That hamburger man has gone bananas! 11.11.09 Today I was prescribed Lithium, tomorrow I'm going to Seattle. I've already heard 5 Nirvana jokes, so SPARE ME. Rad Karaoke Jam #1 report (to the detriment of the participants): notes, Audio #1. Terror receipt, M MUG, Fall Nite #17, Alexis In Europe. Goodbye stepmother. Goodbye stepmother forever. UPDATE: Limited time only Rad Karaoke Jam report Audio #2 & Audio #3. Be sure to check out Wilcox do Rapper's Delight at 1:15:42 of Audio #2, it's a mind bender. WOW, BEST COAST IS #1. 11.01.09 A great thought hit me over the head last night in the middle of a raging Halloween party: I love the country that I live in. A lot of proper people in suits and dresses made it great ages ago, and we're left to have fun and live off of the fat of the land. I saw so many people that I haven't seen in ages and when I told them that I really haven't done anything for the last two months, nearly all of them noted that by occupational right as a picture maker, it's totally OK for me to lay in bed for weeks at a time. Thanks a lot to all of the wonderful people on the phone as well, especially the kid from Wisconsin into goth music who exclaimed on the phone last night: WE'RE NOT GIVING OUT ANY CANDY TONIGHT. I love the people. Information is everywhere, here is some more: OOPS Upside Your Head, RAD KARAOKE JAM #1, Grimy x2, Yappy Hour. Halloween hot pix: Pilsen Bee, Goon Squad, Hallway Rarebit, Sals Et Jim, Actual Sausage Factory Blood Basement. 4 more hours of Samhain, enjoy it friends. LIFE ACHIEVEMENTS, EGADS: I'm going to be in The New Yorker & on WireTap. Get out of town! 10.28.09 LIFE CRISIS ON THE MEND: it seems that telephone conversations with strangers, karaoke and banana bread takes care of everything. Sasha Morgan and Jake absolutely kill it every Wednesday night on Hollow Earth Radio from 9pm-11pm CST. Time Out Chicago JUGGA-RECAP! A wonderful Roky Erickson interview! PLEASE NOTE: no paintings will be made and no services performed until further notice. Sorry about that. 10.23.09 Oh, never ending life crisis. My output is at a stand still and the only thing I can bare to do anymore is lay in bed and talk on the phone to strangers. Thanks for calling if you called and thanks for talking if I called. Here are things: "BABIES / NO BABIES", old food, RMM fail, Sloth graphic / rap, IHSB. If you need to call, it's here. Do it, I'll tell you some things. 10.21.09 Why? Because we must. 10.13.09 What a wonderful day. I spent most of the morning listening to The Idiot, which is a nice way to spend the morning of a wonderful day. Bradley Banks also loves The Idiot and has gone far out of his way to let people know. TELL ME ABOUT IT / CONDITION OTH. Today's phone list: Steven I., David M., Hannah W. 10.12.09 AR Wedding photos (mostly Culver's): 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9. I'd like to publically apologize to Starlee Kine for throwing up on the phone. At least the cancer is gone! Face The Truth Arkansas on YouTube. I am speaking at Columbia on Tuesday night, come and hear me talk about housepaint and pants and the cigarettes that I've started smoking because black is how I feel on the inside. Erika Bradley is drinking out of cups! VIV ALBERTINE OF THE SLITS AT SCHUBA'S THIS WEDNESDAY. I have an extra +1 if somebody wants to go. 10.08.09 A person from The Better Boys Foundation came over this evening to buy a bunch of paintings, though this isn't news at all. The news is that they are showing Hoop Dreams on October 16th and Steve James, William Gates, Arthur Agee & Frederick Marks will all be there. If you live in Chicago and have that night free you really won't be able to think of a better thing to do. Me & Lindsay Shutt & April Mcardle are starting a t-shirt company next month, so totally look out for it. OH NO TERRIFYING SPIDER. I am going to Arkansas now. I have an art show in San Francisco in February 2010. I'm going to call it, "I'M SCRATCHING MY NAME ON YOUR GRAVESTONE". I always knew a big boat would come and take me away. 10.06.09 NEW CAT ALERT: Viva Kitty Corner / Catty Wampus. George & I were just dying about the wording of this wonderful Amish Heater Stove Mantle Look Alike Heat Saving Replica Device. Thanks to Amy Lombardi for making go to SF, though my camera died while I was still in Chicago, I can report that I did indeed stand 5 feet from Billy Bragg & Nick Lowe with a belly full of snack-sized Butterfingers: 1 2 3 4 5 6. Man, I never-ever read books, but this weekend I finished Heather O'Neill's Lullabies For Little Criminals & found it rather beautifully harrowingly wonderful and sad. I don't review books for a reason, eeks. UPDATE: I agree with Sasha, the love songs are better than the political ones. 10.03.09 Rabbit rabbit, I missed rabbit rabbit. I have $222 in my Sheila Sachs money pouch, I am going to SF for 2 days thanks to Amy Lombardi. MESSAGE TO THE MASSES / FREE PAINTING: "Mind Your Bees" (first to contact gets it in the mail). 4 months ago Patty was selling a candle making kit on Craig's List (har har) & was close to getting duped by a Nigerian Scamster and I still find myself talking to him. Free record give-away program of my current favorites: Opal "Early Recordings", Ivor Cutler "The Velvet Donkey", The Idle Race "The Birthday Party". Baseball player wrap-up: Jose Cardenal, Lenn Sakata, Peter Rose. Master Newberry hipped me to the mean but clever "Little Roach" by Joe Frank. For Starlee: Nixon & Koala, Nixon & Panda. Who is shopping for an upright bass? ME DUMMY. UPDATE: Click here for terror. 09.28.09 When you find yourself in times of trouble, Enterprise Rental will pick you up, with a 10% off discount coupon, Let It Be. Jason Polan absolutely hates this drawing of Arsenio Hall, but it is a work of brilliance. Regardless, I give to him CHET LEMON. Sara-Kaye Larson ran away from home so many times and she kept most of the notes left behind. + The USA according to her, southern cooking. Bonus Baseball Things: Jose Cardenal, Lenn Sakata, Pete Rose, I swear somewhere between this wood lies the truth, but win or lose, what's the difference? OH, L. Whitaker & Nixon for Starlee Kine. UPDATE: Maybe Parting Won't Help by Dom K. DOUBLE UPDATE: "You can enjoy the fact that you have minor celeb status at the Shell Refinery in Deerpark, Texas" - Joey Rodriquez 09.27.09 Reeally, please somebody tell me, why does the road turn? "Because all things are impermanent." - Dom K. UPDATE: Due to the deluge of concerned messages, I still very much like the band Beach House. 09.19.09 Patty called to express her disappointment regarding my negative treatment of Christopher McCandless. She had no opinion on Beach House. I love you, mama. Dom wrote expressing his disappointment that he coudn't forward to the ADVICE MASTERS interview part of the linked radio show. Both of these people look at my website at public libraries, awesome. Tonight I am DJing in small bits at The Fall Tribute Benefit for Lawrence Peters. It's going to be GREAT. 09.18.09 Two days ago I noticed that the band Beach House is coming to town. I'd be happy to see that band live, because I really enjoy their records. I have a friend who knows the band well and I asked her if she could get me on the guestlist for one of their two shows here in Chicago because tickets are $25 but close to $93 after online fees. Her response was: I will trade you a guestlist spot if you bring the band drugs (!). Today I was listening to Beach House and for the first time noticed the lyrics to the song Astronaut on Devotion. They begin: "Come over to my house, I'll pour some tea for us, one sugar or two?" I have decided that I no longer like Beach House, so I'm going to start liking the Rolling Stones again. A lot of people like the story of Christopher McCandless, the privileged 20-something that wandered into the Alaskan wild looking for, um, himself. Well, it turns out that a new journal written by him has been found and he wasn't on a mystical mind adventure at all, he was just a really big fan of the television show Northern Exposure. Upon finding out that Cicely, Alaska didn't really exist, Mccandless noted in his last journal entry, "I am indeed an idiot, I will now die on an old bus in the woods". Yesterday I was on an Internet radio show (!) being interviewed about ADVICE MASTERS. I don't think they understood the complex charm of ADVICE MASTERS, I think they mostly just made fun of me! If I could ask one thing of The Guy In The Sky, it would be that I never be caught in a picture looking at a cellphone. What is wrong with you people? JOAN HILLER APPLE YES. 09.14.09 The world can thank Molly Ferguson for the rebirth of Rap Master Maurice, who came back to life only to find that his #1 champions were taken off of the air. That's weak dog, and he said so! Via Alyssa Morin: YBD. Gross indie-rocker in "relationships": 1. TGFSM! 09.11.09 I would like to extend my thanks to anybody who has supported my recent mountain of life tragedy with a chance to win this free drawing: NAPOLEON HILL'S LUNCHEON IN CHINA. On a scale of 1-10, it's a 4!Other things: confused 9/11 SKLERD FAX CLUB transmission, "after the bread", China VS Mexico, Old Ivan Shishkin VS Stanley Mosk, DEREK ERDMAN #1 ART REVIEW. So awesome. 09.02.09 I spent a lot of the day watching The Color Purple in 20 minute batches. That movie can really make you cry! It's a real tearjerker! NOT A TEARJERKER: Awesome Hawaiian Kyler Tsort writes the #1 email of the day and gets his wish granted FOREVER (link is 90MB music mix from 2003, click AYOR). Some people from Ohio have already begun reviewing LESSER KNOWN ATHLETES OF THE NATIONAL FOOTBALL LEAGUE'S YESTERYEAR & boy are they griping (BEFORE EVEN SEEING THE WHOLE BOOK!): "Jack Youngblood is not lesser known'. In fact he's pretty famous for playing in a Superbowl with a broken leg. Please be sure to correct this error in future additions of your book." - Dom K. Whoops, sorry about that Jack! ACTUAL NOTARY PUBLIC DENISE K ADDS: "Hi Derek! Dick Ambrose is a Cuyahoga County Judge. I remember being surprised at seeing a bio in one of the law magazines at work that he played football. I don't know all that much about football, but I did like the "you make the call" segments from long ago. I tried to find one on the internet, but could not. Do you know of a place where I could find one to watch? Have a super evening!" - Denise Dear Denise, I looked all over for some "You Make The Call" clips and couldn't find any as well, FOR SHAME. But one thing IS for sure: ALCOA CAN'T WAIT FOR TOMORROW. ALCOA CAN'T WAIT. UPDATE: If you like my website and read it often and would like to do something nice for me, please buy me a used copy of The Symbol Sourcebook by Henry Dreyfuss from Amazon. You can find my address here. Tell the seller to include a nice note as well! Don't worry if you think somebody else is going to buy it. You're the one.
08.31.09 EXCLUSIVE UNLIMITED EDITION BOOKS ANNOUNCEMENT: Rachal Duggan & Derek Erdman Present "Lesser Known Athletes Of The National Football League's Yesteryear" NO JOKE. Here's a good story: In 1991 Rachel Stutzman (née Ruben) & I ditched school (Bedford High & Lakewood High respectively) to go to Coventry & hang out in the nearby graveyard to eat lunch (oh, teens). While we were there Rachel played for me a tape that her two year older and rather hip brother had given to her, Teen Beat's Tube Bar Deluxe. While the main attraction of the CD was a series of prank calls to a Jersey City bar (along with the awesome Screamer & Joe Curran), there was another piece of audio tacked on, a tape of a girl who had submitted an audio resume to an ad she saw in the back of Sassy Magazine advertising to be part of a zine called Teenage Gang Debs (which seems to have been run by an Erin Smith and had a pre-occupation with the Brady Bunch). I'm not really sure of the specifics of why people were submitting what seemed to be a resume to a zine, but the people that received it thought this recording was odd or funny enough to send to everyone near our nation's capitol, ending up in the hand of Mark Robinson. The track on the CD sounds like a dorky teen unsure of herself, at an awkward point in her life when not everything makes exact sense. I had a hankering to hear this recording again, but El Loco Internet turned up nada, EXCEPT FOR THE PERSON THAT MADE THE RECORDING. She included in her list of life accomplishments that it was indeed her voice on the recording of Tube Bar Deluxe and she seemed not at all embarrassed by it. I wrote to her and she gave me a copy of the recording that I had longed to hear, as well as the comfort in knowing that she was an extra well adjusted middle school librarian who still holds dear all of the values of being awkward. So I interviewed her. And she is TOTALLY AWESOME. As usual, there are other things: Steve Panovich Juggalo Dream, Old things from Pilsen (thanks Graham): 1 2 3 4 5 6. Old Julia Child, sweet Padres shirt, the place where the guy kept the person for 18 years, 5 year old box from Calbee, Roctober Preview Advert, proof of Brandon Wagner. OH, SO SAD: 1 2 3 4 5. 08.19.09 OH DAG: exclusive interview with an authentic 'lette. Quandary of the day: Patty out of jail or $2000? WHAT A DILEMMA. In life it turns out that you reap what you sow, WHO KNEW. 08.17.09 As I've probably mentioned 43 times, I was a gigantic Smiths/Morrissey fan as a late teen. So obsessed that I (besides wearing, uh, giant cable knit sweaters) learned every nuance of every song, so if a version with a different lyric was available (Stretch Out & Wait) or a b-side with a longer ending (Will Never Marry) was discovered, I'd be beside myself. Just yesterday I discovered Konstantin Raudive's 1970 flexi-disc "An Amazing Experiment in the Electronic Communication With The Dead" (available from #1 website WFMU blog) contained the sample at the end of Rubber Ring and 16 years later I was still covered in glee. I think I listen to the Smiths more when I am down and lately my brain has been on a bullet train to Bummer Heights. Sometimes when I get depressed I get an inkling to move to another place, this time I fixated on Wilmington, NC. I've only talked to one person who is from near there and she said it was a nice place to go. I needed more information, so at 11:30pm last night I called as many 24-hour businesses in that city that I could find. I only talked to 4 people with varying degrees of success (though I must warn you, these are rather boring telephone calls): "Sheriff's Office" (OUCH), "Buddy's Wreckers" (UH OH), "Kangaroo Express" (EGADS), "Walgreen's" (NOT BAD!). Joanie Hiller-Depper sent me a 4 pack of Fred Meyer Jelly Belly Cotton Candy Pudding. She sent it Parcel Post which is like 1.5x Media Mail for things other than books. The ladies at my post office call it Partial Post, unfortunately I fear not by accident. It seems that when you mail things this way, it can take up to 542 weeks to arrive and it's usually crushed to pieces. As the case with Joan Hiller-Depper's Fred Meyer Jelly Belly Cotton Candy Pudding. It came smashed and oozing pink goo that promptly made 1/3 of my house smell like Ciales Poultry at 2141 W. Armitage here in Chicago. Other things: Terry Crowley, John Shelby, Juan Samuel & the unfinished "Helen At The Greek Beach". Oh man, it's going to rain something fierce! UPDATE: Judson Claiborne's Song For Dreaming - totally awesome. DOUBLE UPDATE: If you didn't read all of the comments at the bottom of the WFMU blog post, sit yourself down and do it. Seriously, make a turkey sandwich, get a Coke and let "kyu sun ariolahe" take you for a mind ride. 08.10.09
EXCLUSIVE JUGGALO GATHERING PHOTOS
& VIDEO.
I did not stage these things, they are real.
Looking for the old stuff? Here's the archive, you big lummock. Would you like to be notified when this site is updated? If so, you're mostly lazy.
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