RAP MASTER
MAURICE PRESENTS:
$12 VIGILANTE RAP PHONE CALLS
BAD CUSTOMER
SERVICE?
TERRIBLE MEAL AT A RESTAURANT?
TIRED OF A WORN OUT RELATIONSHIP?
WAYWARD RELATIVE OWES YOU MONEY?
UNABLE TO BE PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE?
MAURICE IS ON THE JOB!
Rap Master
Maurice is willing to VIGILANTE MIND BATTLE RAP CALL
anybody who has done you wrong. Simply PayPal $12 and give a brief
explanation of
the trouble and you're EVEN STEPHEN. Do it now because soon it will
cost $17 and you will say to yourself, "I SHOULD HAVE DONE IT
WHEN IT WAS $12".
Your
$12 payment includes justice, peace of mind and a medium
quality MP3 file emailed to you in a timely manner!
RAP MASTER
MAURICE will rap about ANYTHING, even gross stuff!
There are no bounds to justice. SERIOUSLY:
CHILD
CUSTODY BATTLE?
PAROLE OFFICER GOT YOU DOWN?
FATHER LEFT YOU AT AN EARLY AGE?
MAD AT THE TALIBAN?
Supply
the telephone number and the info, THE RAP IS MADE.
NOTICE:
The price of non-revenge "friendly" raps has changed
to $19. Maurice is a revenge rapper but will don the hat of
friendly rapper for an extra $7.
BECOME
A FAN OF RAP MASTER MAURICE on Facebook! Or exercise free will
and don't. It's your life, champ.
HERE
ARE PAST VIGILANTE RAP CALLS, YOU LOVE THEM:
"Sublet
Your Ears"
"Bjerk"
"A
Lot Of Free Beer"
"Emotional
Tax Hike"
"Rappin'
Sly"
"Unlike
A Hanging Chad"
"You'll
Always Want To Do Somersaults"
"Abusing Fossil Fuels"
"A Degree In Jerk"
"Maurice
VS The Butcher"
"Hot
Peruvian Waiter"
"Build
A Time Machine"
"Try Nautilus"
"Goebbels Of The Head"
"Monsieur
Rogers & Le Neighborhood"
"Writer's Block"
"Muy
Bien Amigo"
"Faberge Egg"
"Tet Offensive
(Full Version)
ADDITIONAL,
MORE RECENT RAPZ HERE (CLICK IT!)
HOT
QUOTEZ:
"RMM is kind of like a priest. I mean, everyone comes to confessional"
Amy Cargill
"Maurice is our master, we are on our knees" Mike
Bonanno
"You are a GENIUS! I am crying now." Jim
Finn
"Maurice CAN rap his way out of a paper bag!" DJ Joan
Hiller
"seriously. oh man. that is a good rap." Jason
Polan
"Maurice is the greatest blog posting." Thomos
"Fucking stellar! That rules! Thanxxx Rap Master Maurice!"
Steve 5
"Rap Master Maurice is the new Wesley Willis" Bob
Peck
"What is this Milli Vanilli shit? Your lips barely be movin yo."
Arthur Jones
"Maurice, I heard the rap...it's effing great!" Caroline
Donovan
"Thank you. You rule!" Sheila
Sachs
"That rap was great." Nick
Vandermolen
"I think it's just dandy." Greg
Shirilla
"Haha awesome!" Blair Neal
"Haha that was great! You can't go wrong with pizza." Yetta
Weiss
"hahahaha--THAT IS AWESOME!" Tim Cook
"Rap Master, hell yes. Sounded awesome. THANK YOU!" Elspeth
Rountree
"This man is a genius and a visionary." Mike
Hanus
"Although buying a house may be a tad boring when compared to
a
guy mad at a towing company, the rap ruled none the less!" Rosemary
Pham
"Rap Master Maurice Is The Best $7 Revenge Rapper." Amanda
Egge
"You are really a genius. It's crazy." Molly Brank
"Amazing. You are seriously my hero." Kristin Marks
"You can't put a price on genius." Adrian J Brockway
(There are other quotes, I don't want to type them)
RARE
PROMO VIDEOS:
"I'm
Here For You"
Well
my name's Maurice and I'm here for you, I'll cheer you up when you're
feeling blue,
you see i got a knack of making raps, I shoot off my mouth instead
of peeling caps,
when you got troubles you come to me, I know more words than a spelling
bee,
someone done you wrong? You let me know! Tell me about it and send
some dough,
then i make a rap and you get revenge, it will be a bigger mystery
than STONEHENGE!
Let's
say you bought a car fresh off the lot, you spent all money that you
got,
but then you drive it home and it falls apart, you didn't want those
car parts a la carte!
You can't send the salesmen off to jail, but that's ok send me an
e-mail,
I'll call him up and I'll let him know, I'll tell him some things
that are apropos!
That's
not the only reason to rap, there's more than 10 just like Spinal
Tap,
Let's say you're at a restaurant having some lunch, you order a ruben
sandwich and some fruit punch,
the server and the cook but they're going slow, you're in a hurry
and you let them know,
you get the food to go they were acting rude, and then you find that
someone spit in your food!
You can't light a match and torch the place, you might go to jail
it'd be a disgrace,
you let me know, I'll give them a call, we'll destroy those nazis
like CHARLES DE GAULLE
There
are many reasons to pay for raps, if you want i'll include: some hand
claps.
Let's
say you like a guy and he likes you too, he takes you out to dinner
and pays for you,
and then you go to the club to dance, but he's buggin' trying to get
up in your pants.
Or a distant cousin owes you some green, but he made a great escape
like Steve McQueen.
Or your boss gives you too much overtime, don't fight 'em with your
fists, FIGHT 'EM WITH RHYMES!
Now you
know the joy that my rappin' brings, I'm like Maurice Bilbo Baggins,
in Lord Of The Rings,
so send me 7 bucks and I'll make it right, I can probably even get
your rap done tonight.
OR IT
MIGHT BE TOMORROW MORNING, SOMETIMES I'M A LITTLE BUSY. PEACE!
"The
Insane Vote For McCain"
WELL
MY NAME'S MAURICE I DON'T MEAN TO GLOAT
IF YOU'RE UNSURE I'LL TELL YOU HOW TO VOTE
CAUSE IT'S ELECTION YEAR YOU GOTTA MAKE A CHOICE
THE U.S. CONSTITUTION GAVE YOU A VOICE
SO EXERCISE YOUR RIGHT & PICK A CANDIDATE
BLACK OR WHITE, MAN OR WOMAN DON'T DISCRIMINATE
VOTING IS A WONDERFUL THING TO DO
IF SOMEONE WON'T LET YOU VOTE TELL THE A.C.L.U.
NOW THESE CANDIDATES WILL PROMISE YOU THE MOON
SO PICK THE ONE THAT YOU LIKE AND DO IT SOON
DON'T LET YOUR VOTE GO DOWN THE DRAIN
IF YOU VOTE MCCAIN YOU GOTTA BE INSANE
INSANE VOTE FOR MCCAIN (THE INSANE FOR MCCAIN)
THE INSANE VOTE FOR MCCAIN (THE INSANE FOR MCCAIN)
THE INSANE VOTE FOR MCCAIN (GOIN' MCCAIN, GOT NO BRAIN)
THE INSANE VOTE FOR MCCAIN (THE INSANE FOR MCCAIN)
NOW THIS JOHN MCCAIN SEE HE'S A LUNATIC
HIS DOME IS LIKE A MILKSHAKE YOU SEE HIS HEAD IS THICK
HE WANTS TO KEEP THE USA IN IRAQ
THAT'S ABOUT AS HEALTHY AS A DOUBLE BIG MAC
I'D RATHER CAST MY VOTE FOR MAYOR MCCHEESE
AT LEAST HE DOESN'T HATE THE VIETNAMESE
MCCAIN'S
GOT A TEMPER LIKE A NUCLEAR BOMB
AND HE KILLED A LOT OF PEOPLE BACK IN VIETNAM
WE
DON'T WANT A GRUMPY MURDERER RUNNIN' THE SHOW
SO SERVE UP YOUR VOTE LIKE JOHN MCENROE
HE'S LOSING HIS HAIR HE NEEDS ROGAIN
YOU GOTTA BE INSANE TO VOTE JOHN MCCAIN
(BOMB, BOMB, BOMB, BOMB, BOMB IRAN)
REMEMBER
KEATING? HE TOOK THE GREEN
HE'S AS OLD AS THE ABACUS ADDING MACHINE
HE
MUST HAVE SOME SERIOUS P.T.S.D.
IF HE THINKS HE CAN RUN THIS COUNTRY
THE
REPUBLICAN PARTY IS A GOON SQUAD
THE ECONOMY'S AS STABLE AS MARY TODD
THE
RICH ARE GETTING RICHER THE POOR SHOULD BE MAD
IF SOMEONE HAD THE GUTS THAT LEON CZOLGOSZ HAD
THEN
WE WOULDN'T EVEN BE IN THIS MESS, YOU SHOULD JUST VOTE FOR BARACK
OBAMA!
