I met the Swainster at the 2006 Pitchfork festival. If you went to that and bought the $5 curry wrap then you also realize that the world is FUCKED (as I do/did). Lacey is one HAP person, she even put her name in brackets before her answers. There's a picture of her at the bottom, but you can't date her because she already has a boyfriend who is called Ruben like the sandwich.

Do you have brothers or sisters? If so please list their names and ages.

[Lacey Swain] Kyle Blair, 19

Have you ever tasted urine?

[Lacey Swain] Yes.

What's your all-time favorite food combination?

[Lacey Swain] Cheese and crackers

Have you seen the movie Frida? If so, did you like it?

[Lacey Swain] I fell asleep, but I was high on drugs. I guess it was okay but that lady can’t act her way out of a paper bag.

How do you feel about pornography?

[Lacey Swain] Ambivalent. I used to read my dad’s Hustlers (the letters section mostly) but I don’t give a shit anymore. I think it’s maybe a little gross to have TOO much.

What's your favorite part of a zoo?

[Lacey Swain] Hippos and the hamburgers in the foil sacks.

What band is better, The Fall or The Wipers?

[Lacey Swain] Oh, Derek, this is a really good one. This is the modern day Beatles vs the Stones…. I’m going to go ahead and say the Fall, though. I like the Wipers, but I’m thinking if I could only hear one forever….

If you were 40 minutes outside of Nacogdoches, Texas with a broken down car, with no cellphone or money would you rather be with Mark Arm or Krist Novoselic?

[Lacey Swain] You know what’s crazy? This has totally happened to me before. Mark Arm.

Without looking on the internet, please list 5 songs written by Neil Diamond:

[Lacey Swain] Written? Is that the trick? Let’s see Cracklin Rosie, Sweet Caroline, I’m stuck.

How many hours a week, including work, do you spend looking at a computer screen?

[Lacey Swain] 45?

Have you ever seen a TV show called It's Your Move with Jason Bateman?

[Lacey Swain] No, but I wish. Is it funny?

Do you drive? If so, what kind of car do you have? If you can drive but don't have a car please skip this.

[Lacey Swain] I just wrecked my Mazda MPV minivan so right now I am borrowing two cars—one is a 2000 something Acura and the other is a 61 Comet. I like to judge people by their cars and now I am only too aware of how much people judge me while I drive the Comet.

Name three things that one should eat with brie cheese. Please don't be clever or funny with this command.

[Lacey Swain] Bread, crackers, apples.

How are you doing today?

[Lacey Swain] Hmmm, okay. Not great. One month ago today I discovered my friend’s dead body and that’s pretty much all I’m thinking about except how I’d maybe like some vicodin for my cramps.

What is the last thing that you've eaten?

[Lacey Swain] A Carr’s Table Water Cracker.

What can you hear right now?

[Lacey Swain] The dude across from me is playing Darker My Love. I don’t know what they are all about, though.

If possible call the telephone number 206-723-3113 and describe what happens:

[Lacey Swain] Okay, it’s ringing…nothing, nothing, still ringing. I’m getting bored of this now. When do I get to hang up? I want to get on to the next. OH! Wait! Someone answered and wanted to know if they could help me and I said I had the wrong number.

If possible call the telephone number 206-938-9795, ask for Gregg and tell him that Derek Erdman says, "WAAAASSSSSSUUUPPPP", you know, like on the commercial.

[Lacey Swain] Okay, I did it. He said you are a sweetheart.

When were you born?

[Lacey Swain] Houston, TX

Where were you born?

[Lacey Swain] Herman Hospital

Do you drink coffee?

[Lacey Swain] Yeah, but I don’t HAVE to.

What is grunge?

[Lacey Swain] You know what? I just now realized that this was tailored specifically to me….

Did you see the movie Hype?

[Lacey Swain] Yes.

In the grand scheme of history, who's cooler: Long Gone John or Bruce Pavitt?

[Lacey Swain] Bruce Pavitt lives in a bio-dome and makes his own drugs…you be the judge.


Please read the following word and type the first word that comes into your mind next to it:

BIRDS : [Lacey Swain] Joan

CAMERA : [Lacey Swain] Lens

GLASSES :[Lacey Swain] Where’s the case to my fucking glasses?

SHOES : [Lacey Swain] Boot

BIGOT : [Lacey Swain] Tony

MONKLES :[Lacey Swain] Monkees

ANKLES : [Lacey Swain] Cankle

YAPPLES : [Lacey Swain] Apples

WAMP : [Lacey Swain] Wump

ROTUM : [Lacey Swain] Bottom

LIPPER : [Lacey Swain] Puller

DWARF : [Lacey Swain] Horse

Is Seattle a good place to live?

[Lacey Swain] It’s okay. I think I like Chicago and/or Mexico better.

[Lacey Swain]