1. Hello Mike!

Howdy there, Mr. Erdman. Thanks for requesting an interview. I can't think of ever having given one before. Well, not like this one anyway.

2. What's it like having the same name as a famous movie star?

It's OK. People usually remember my name. There's always some jack-off who says "Are you related to Michael J. Fox? I bet you hear that all the time don't you?" Actually, no not all that often. Mostly from jack-offs.

3. Have you ever seen that teen-movie that he was in with Nancy Mckeon?

No, but I think they could be a good match -up. She's always got something to prove and MJF's always trying be cooler than he is.. It's a classic recipe for screwball comedic hi-jinx.

4. What do you think of Nancy Mckeon?

I think that her Love Boat appearances were probably the acme of her career. I secretly kind of dig her though, because she has this sort of fake, overly defensive front that she puts up to shield the real, sensitive Nancy from a cruel world that doesn't appreciate "large," "ordinary-looking girls." So she can be simultaneously repellent and an object of good-natured pity. I think her agent made this all up. And it works, sort of.

5. Speaking of Facts Of Life, what do you think of Blair Warner? Hot stuff, eh?

She's a bitch. And not in a good way. I like it when Nancy screws her over..

6. Can you believe how many candybars I ate today?

Hell, yes. You're always eating candy bars.

7. What kind of car do you drive?

An '02 Subaru Impreza WRX, the one with the turbo charger for street racing on twisty backroads through the local swamplands. Automobile accidents are the leading cause of death for teens in my county. Vroom, vroom, stupid teens. HA!

8. Do you have pets?

Three dogs (Belle, Tiny and Matilda Pinwheel Firecracker -also known as Tildo) and six cats (Fred, Emily, Swiss, Tabitha, Helen and Ol' Scratchback) Emily lives outside because she's naughty. There's also a stray outside named Blackie. The dogs are all black and white spaniels-Belle is a springer cross and the others are cockers so they all look like different sizes of the same dog.

9. Did you ever see that Facts Of Life where all of the girls sneak off to go skiing?

No. I hope Nancy humiliated Blair and made her cry.

10. Did you ever see the Family Ties where Tom Hanks was on and drank a bottle of vanilla extract because he wanted to get drunk?

No, but that sounds like something he would do. He used to be a dork.

11. Do you like to fight?

Only with animals.

12. Have you been in fights?

A tomcat kicked my ass once.

13. Have you ever tasted your own blood?

Yes. It's an acquired taste, I guess. There was some cat fur mixed up in it.

14. Have you ever tasted anybody else's blood?

I don't think so. I'm pretty sure it would taste a lot like mine though.

15. Have you ever killed another living being besides an insect of some sort?

--I shot a sharp-tailed grouse with a gun when I was a kid. My Dad made me clean it then we roasted it over a campfire and ate it.
--I worked on a ranch and was told to exterminate about 40 cats that had become inbred and nasty. I used a .22-250 rifle with a scope on it (usually employed for shooting coyotes at long range) and shot them 2-3 at a time from a second floor window. After killing them, I threw their carcasses over a fence into a hay field. Later that summer I drove a huge mower called a swather through that hay field and the desiccated cat bodies ended up getting baled up along with the hay. I think it was a long winter for the cows that year.
--I worked as a commercial salmon fisherman and killed many hundreds of salmon plus a few stray seabirds, sharks and about a billing stinging pink jellyfish.

16. Do you hate yourself?

Not especially.

17. Do you like to vote?

Yes. It makes me feel like I'm making a difference.

18. Do you like to drink?

And how!

19. Do you like heavy metal music?

Some. I'm not really an expert on the genre though.

20. Have you ever been in a car accident?

I have been in four. Each time the car was totally destroyed but I have never been injured. Two of the cars were the property of my employers.

21. Where do you live?

About 150 yards east of the Potomac River in Accokeek, MD. Its about 25 miles south of Washington, DC

22. Do you like to hunt?

Not really. Cleaning that grouse was enough for me. I went goose hunting with a bunch of drunks one time. They were drunk and loaned me a shotgun. They shot at some geese that were way, way too far away and they all missed. Shooting guns is fun. I don't like the carcass clean-up part.

23. Have you ever participated in a seance?

I once tried to contact my great-great aunt who died in 1954. I concentrated really hard. It didn't work.

24. Isn't milk kinda gross?

It is. Imagine yourself sucking on a cow's teat. Is that something that seems natural?

25. Do you have a favorite kind of cheese?

I like blue cheese.

26. Do you like baseball?

I like the aesthetics of baseball. I like rooting for my home team. Beyond that, not really.

27. Have you ever been to Ohio?

I drove through it a couple of times. I seemed very relaxing.

28. In as few words as possible, describe for me what happened during World War II:

Rich guys argued over crumbs. Despair ensued.

29. Do you go to church?

Nope. It's an opiate of the masses. I prefer regular sedatives.

30. Do you think Mike Tyson is the greatest boxer to ever live?

I don't think so.

31. Isn't fried bologna really good?

Indeed it is. Grease is good.

32. Is Suzanne your wife?

Yes, she is. She is a book publisher. We met at a museum where she was the publications director and I was a curator. She dug my content. Then we worked together at another museum. Then we quit. Now I work at a museum and she works at home and makes about twace as much money as me. She's got a pretty sweet deal going over there.

33. Does she look good?

Yes, she does.

34. Does she exercise?

Yes, she's a walker. She walks the dogs around our neighborhood. We live out in the country so the roads are not paved and there are hardly any cars. Sometimes she sees deer and turtles, ground hogs and rabbits running around.

35. Does she eat a lot of candy bars?

More than me.

36. Do you eat a lot of candy bars?

No. I don't like sweet stuff all that much.

37. Explain to me your typical breakfast order while dining out:

Meat and eggs. Large amounts of coffee. Roast Beef Hash or Scrapple if they have it. Scrapple rules.

38. Have you ever driven drunk?

Yup, until I spent a night in the Fremont County can in Lander, Wyoming for DUI. That really sucked. No more for me.

39. Do you hate your parents?

No, they are pretty damn cool. My father is a recently retired zoology instructor at a community college in California. He knows everything about animals and plants. My mom is a bon vivant.

40. Did you ever see that movie Soul Man? That movie is classic!

Nope, never did. On your recommendation, however, I will.

41. Ok, bye!

Thank you, Mr. Erdman. I just love your site. So keep it real, baby!