Karey contacted me after finding her name on the site while googling herself. She's said at least three times that she wants to buy a painting, but I don't think she's going to. I'm going to send her some candy bars, instead. We were up to all sorts of no good in high school, so I figured it would be nice to find out about some of that stuff. Because I can barely remember last week.



You are Karey Markovich, correct?

Karey A. Markovich, to be correct,...I prefer the use of my middle name
within any textual context.

Do you have a middle name?

I think I just mentioned that,....

Oh, that's nice! So, how are 'things'?

Things have actually just really picked up in my life recently, see,
I had been torn between these two lovers, from an island on the coast
of North Carolina and the other a professor/journalist in Hawaii. I decided
my emotional freedom was more important to me than either of them, and
so, I am living the single life for the first time in about four

You and I, we've had sex, correct?

Absolutely,....I remember wanting to do you before I had even met
you,...just your voice combined with all those prank phone calls made my
best friend and I really hot for you and that Kris Fazekis guy,....last
thing I heard about him was a dishonourable army discharge after he stole
one of their little golf carts and just drove it around in circles for a few
hours laughing hysterically. They tried to get him to stop but he just
kept going and going.

If yes, do you remember how many times?

I am pleased to say twice and would like to say three,...but I don't think I
remember the third due to alcohol poisoning, which could quite possibly be
why I never got a fourth. I am bad like that. I have periods where I won't
drink for a year, year and a half, and then BOOM,...there I am at it again.

At the beginning of this past summer I wasn't really drinking,...started
casually seeing this really beautiful man,...musician (I always fall for
those) free spirit (I always fall for those, too). He thought I was a
really, sweet, nice girl. He had to leave the island, but would call me and
stuff, ya know. So he comes back for a visit recently,...and I end up
getting so wasted,...puked the bed,....the next day I wake up still drunk,
had to get to work,...saw this mess and thought for certain it was his damn
dog who had spent the night too. When I got home, however, bits and pieces
began to come back to me,....all I can say is that I think I scared that one

Do you remember the names of my pets by any chance?

Oooohhh,.....this one makes me feel bad. You had a really, really special
black cat,....I want to say Sadie or maybe Moxy,...and an iguana whose name
I never probably knew. I remember this one day I called to see if you
wanted to rip off some stuff from the public library, and you couldn't come
because you had to go to the store to get some romaine lettuce for him. You
used to put this white powder on the lettuce, too, you know, like for his
nutrition and stuff.

What about my mother, do you remember her name?

Patty. I can tell you that she was the woman who made me realize I am still
going to be having a blast well into my thirties.

And you had a natural soap making business, correct?

Sure did, Derek.

What was that called?

Andromeda soaps. See, I had my own pottery studio at the time, and was
going around selling at craft fairs and such. I had wanted to make some
homemade soaps for a while, made a batch, and had a shitload of
extras,..more than I would need for years. So I decided to craft some soap
dishes and put the soaps in them to help sell the pots,...low and behold, I
actually had shop owners coming up to me begging me to let them distribute
my soap. I did soaps for three summers and realized several things:

-I had no time to do pottery
-I don't like making soap
-I am not a merchant.... this pretty much killed my desire to make and sell
pottery as well, turns out to be pretty much the same thing.

Did this soap contain, you know, animal fat?

Never,...but I did relate better to Fight Club because of my experience.

Oh, that's quite interesting!

Do you watch television?

Not currently, though two years ago while in San Francisco I got on this
Star Trek Voyager kick. I think we have a lot we can learn as a species
from this show. I have also been known to cackle to the Simpsons on

If so, what do you like to watch?

Allright, allright,...I used to watch the x-files too.

Have you ever seen Square Pegs with Jason Bateman? That show was really

I have a vague 13-year-old memory, I right?

What's your favorite food?

Right now it is pizza,...but other recent favorites of this year have been
barbecue tofu, palm leaves, oranges, cone sushi, and shrimp.

Do you like potato chips?

Barbecue ones.

Who do you think would win in a fight, Danzig or me?

I think we all create our own reality with our thoughts and I honestly don't
like to think of you and Danzig fighting.

Me or Damon Wayans?

Who is Damon Wayans?

Me or The Strokes?

Sorry to say I am drawing a blank.

We knew each other when we were in high school, correct?


Were my clothes fashionable?

You were a fashion pioneer.

Did we do a lot of drugs?

Whenever we could find some, yes.

Do you remember that time when you passed out on my living room floor in my
mother's robe because you had gotten drunk and puked all over yourself?

Wasn't that the last time we had sex?

That was great!

Where do you live now?

Currently I am residing in small cottage on a tiny island on the beach in
north carolina. I don't have to pay rent and this gives me a lot of room to
pretty much do what I want,....january 9th I fly back to Maui where I have a
car that I can live out of while attending internet classes here in NC. If
this goes well next winter I can go to school over the interent and travel
in Central America or something at the same time.

Is there anybody that you hate?

I feel that we are all reflections of eachother, D.,....therefore if I were
to admit to hating someone I am essentially admitting to hating
myself,...which doesn't seem very healthy.

Do you think that getting old is totally weird?

A little bit,...but I am convinced that I am really going to hit my stride
and look better at 35 than I do now.

Oh, do you have a car? If so, what type?

I have a little Toyota Tercel in Hawaii that my friend DJ Dante was supposed
to sell for me when I left. Since I have decided to go back, though, I will
reluctantly admit to being the caretaker of a vehicle.

I'm willing to get you something from the grocery store to send to you for
doing this interview, what would you like?

You made me hungry for BBQ potato chips.

It was nice to talk with you again, Karey. Thanks a bunch for your time.

Thank you Derek,...I do hope that you will return the favor for me someday
soon for me for our latest issue of the Steinhoff Family Record.