Entries from days of yore. Enticing, eh?

2.22.03 After reading the tour rider for Great White on TSG, I'm wondering...why wasn't Jack Russell's named mentioned more when referring to the tragedy? So, I place all of the blame on Jack Russell. that's where my money's going,. yes indeed. I'm putting it all on Jack Russell. Hold on, what am I talking about?

2.21.03 Just when Chicago gets a little "Nightclub Tragedy" action, some crummy 80's hard rock band goes and mucks it up. Is there no justice? At least we still have R. Kelly!

2.20.03 I keep going to this all you can meat restaurant. I didn't eat all day today, so I could get the most out of the high price that is charged to dine there. Now my stomach hurts really badly, but I'm quite happy about it. Oh, and last night? I walked around the neighborhood with my new spy headphones to listen in on cordless telephone conversations. Hey, I'm absolutely pathetic! Update: Who's that thinkin' them nasty thoughts? Nasty Boys!

2.19.03 Kangor all gone.

2.19.03 It's quite apparent that I have the best auction running on eBay. Oh, and if you click here, you can take some sort of quiz about me. Please do, I'm dying to know. 3 Kangor mixes left. They're free! Have at them! King Marcher sent me this link to a plethora of flash games. Maureen Fitzgerald is all like, "fuck yeah!". Be sure to check out Marcher's latest bout with poetry, because it's fucktastic. Update: I'm thinking about beating up Chan Marshall when she next comes to Chicago. Women are still liberated, right?

2.16.03 I found this Social Security check in an abandoned house near me. If you want to cash it, I'll send it to you, but I get 30%. I gotta tell you, I love my job. No fooling, it's the best. But a long time ago, it was owned by this company and they used to have terrible contest promotions. I had to pick up some 'See Sting Live' contest winners at the airport and drive them to their hotel. They were a little upset that Barta wasn't a limo, and then they had the nerve to go to one of the stores and try to sell the gift certificates that they won in the contest! Of course, they were Canadian, so, it was typical. Sorry, Tiffany - just joking! Oh, and then I covered a car in tin foil. Update: Pants.

2.14.03 Some street hustlaz came into the store today and sold me a pair of Sennheiser cordless headphones as well as a Palm Pilot IIIx. I was kinda mad at first because I though the headphones didn't work, but when I figured them out, I realized that you can listen to cordless phone conversations with them. I did a search of ways to listen to other cordless phone conversations and came up with this page - which is pretty funny and great. I didn't think the Palm Pilot worked either, but with some new batteries it works like a charm, so if you need any numbers tallied or a place to store your grocery list, let me know. Both items were $5 each, that's a total savings of $219.00. While recently looking for Cro-Mags LPs on eBay, I came up with a new 'best picture on eBay' contender. We've been conversing through e-mail and I have a feeling it's going to get pretty funny. I went to see Godspeaks tonight, Hamm's was $2.50! Update: There's a bad moon on the rise.

2.13.03 New hotmix: Kangor. It's all rap, mostly old-school with the likes of Slick Rick, Kurtis Blow, UTFO, (ahem) L'Trimm and a whole lot more. You might as well just get it, because it's free for the asking, you big dummy. Update: I'm going to eat here tonight - it's some sort of all you can eat meat house.

2.10.03 Yeah, alright! Have I told you how much I love Sharpeworld? And how great Coyle & Sharpe are? Well, I do and they are. Sharpeworld is pretty much where I nicked 1/2 the design for this site, believe me, hers looks much nicer. Regardless, she is currently selling CD copies of the first Coyle & Sharpe LP, which is just as laugh-tastic as all of the others. So go and get it. PayPal your fool head off! Is it coincidence that I meet Jay Hinman (distant relative of Manson murder victim Gary Hinman) while giving away copies of the Manson-inspired "Mamskam" hotmix? Yes, it's coincidence. Jay is ace, and his site is even more boss or cherry, whichever of those words you prefer. I've recently e-mailed a girl that I 'went with' when I was 13. I remember her as being kind of a kook and then being kind of mean. Judging by her e-mails, she's now kooky and mean at the same time! Here's a series of photographs of her, because some of them are quite funny. #1 #2 #3 #4 #5 #6 #7 #8 #9 #10 You might think that this is some form of cyber-stalking, but like, dude, I'm like, so totally over her. Besides, I was hardly pubescent! Oh, Bob Haley signed my guest book! He and I did a radio show together in college where we essentially prank called people from 4am-7am. I just looked through 3 boxes of tapes for a copy of it, and came to two conclusions in the process. #1 I have 7 copies of Metallica's 'Master Of Puppets' on cassette and #2 I have a lot of junk that I need to get rid of. Update: I just voted my website the best on the internet!

2.09.02 Hello everybody. I was in a really bad car accident this morning on the way back from church. We were hit by a U-Haul truck going about 30 mph. I broke my right leg in two places and have some cuts on my face. Debbie, who was driving, got whiplash and broke both of her hands and suffered a concussion. Audrey, who was in the passenger seat, cracked two ribs and has a terrible cut on her chin. Susan, who was in between them broke her left ankle, cut her right knee and has a punctured lung. Crystal, who was sitting next to me in the back seat has a bruised hip and a minor concussion. Deidre, who was sitting on the other side of me, has a long cut on her right arm and broke her elbow. Kelly, who was sitting on the other side of Deidre broke two of her fingers and cut her head. Lisa, who was sitting on the other side of Crystal broke her collarbone and sprained her left wrist. After we got out of the hospital, we went to Arby's and got in on that 5 for $5 deal. Update: E-mail here for the recipe for my great mushroom soup.

2.08.03 Just announced - "Eat Dave Piper's Weight In Meat" - slated for the end of june. Dave Piper weighs 220 lbs. so, like, I'll be eating a lot of meat. Update: Sorry, I haven't updated, please stop sending e-mail.

2.06.03 Colleen Milani sent me a picture of my painting hanging in her house, as well as a sticker in the mail which reminds me to charge her more for paintings because her house looks....well...swanky. Colleen designed the Sara Lee website, as well as a bunch of others. This, coupled with the fact that her and her brother both drive older Volvos which makes her pretty bleedin' cool if you'd ask me. I call my car Barta, after Steve Intermill's car of the same name. Update: My only goal for my day off is to download that naked Dana Plato movie from Kazaa today. Dude, museum of talking boards!

2.05.03 Julia, hipped me to this photo-op today. Many thanks, George. Imagination At Work by Jim Newberry. Here's another by anonymous and here's my response. I've been pretty into this website lately. Update: the first person to e-mail me their address will get 5 Butterfinger bars.

2.04.03 Eddie "Long Dong" Smalling sent me this, which is totally rad. I made one, also. If you make one, let me know and I'll post it. Run my name through googlism.com, these things are true! If you look halfway down this one, you'll see what Run DMC is busy eating. And apparently the Kring-ster is going to the beach. Update: Dear Mary, The new Rainer Maria is sucky, but what did you expect?

2.03.03 Funny and even funnier. This is pretty funny too. This one is exceedingly funny. I didn't go to Maxwell Street, but I did eat a lot of candy nonetheless. Update: Man, this new Mcginty CD is hard to make!

2.01.03 Why doesn't anybody ever look at this site? My friend Doug, who is the king of Trivial Pursuit, was apparently in some sort of proto-grunge band in the 90's and they are having a reunion show. Here is the flyer. All I can say is, ahem, awesome. You'd be a fool not to assume that if there was a band called Godspeaks playing at a place called Bottom Lounge, that I would be there all drinking beer out of cans & stuff. My ass is going to Maxwell St. tomorrow morning to buy some candy, and then I'm going to put it on eBay and make a fortune. Update: These guys were on to something.

1.31.02 There are a lot of great pictures of products on eBay, but this is probably the best picture of any product ever placed on eBay. Update: Cokes and Snickers are all I eat, health sucks.

1.30.03 Tiffany Morris sent me this link, where you can make your own President Bush speech. It's quite funny, really. I dated Tiffany in college. She's Canadian and was in the U.S. on a volleyball scholarship. Her husband is in this band, and they both hate the United States Of America. Oh, courtesy of Sharpeworld - have a look at this conundrum.

1.28.03 I've never told anybody this before, but sometimes, when nobody is looking, I like to look at Spin Doctors websites. Of course, I always thought that their music was for shit - I had a girlfriend in high school who loved them. I think that she wore tie-dye shirts, also. But I'm kinda fascinated by the horrific crash of celebrity when your fluke comes to a screeching halt. Here and here is streaming video of lead singer Chris Barron singing with Moldy Peaches last year, which I thought would be a gas, but ended up thinking it was kinda cool. Oh, did I mention that I'm a cutter? I've got scratches all over myself! Update: Lorna, that book you let me borrow is quite comprehensive.

1.27.03 Please do not bid on this auction, because I am going to win it. So, you won't win, so don't bid, because you will be doing both of us a disservice. Oh, check out this Julian Lennon website, because it's made by a kook who is most likely 'sitting on a pebble by the river playing guitar'. This is the best website about haunted and abandoned places in Ohio. Please look at it because Ohio is round on the ends. Interview with Bobby Burg. Today I had Steak & Shake for lunch, but it wasn't very good. Update: Mirrors are silver

1.25.03 No more hair progress. I'd also like to discontinue the lunch section unless I get 5 messages requesting that I continue it. Updates will be sparse, as I will be gone for the next two weeks. If you are new here, you can cut through all of the blog stuff and get to the meat on this page. Oh, if you are Scott from Pilsen with a friend in New York who wants to buy a painting, please call again - I've erased your phone number twice. Here's a picture that I used for amihotornot.com. Here's a picture of John Hinkley and his one-armed girlfriend. Here's the video of the event that made him famous. Thanks for stopping by http://www.derekerdman.com/ - the website that would be absolutely the same without you. Update: Internet est cool!

1.23.03 Julia & Lorna & Dave & I tried to go to Old Country Buffet for dinner, but the manager ended up giving me some totally fucked directions from the city, so we went to Leo's Lunchroom instead, which was much blander than usual. When looking for links to Leo's, I stumbled onto the suckiest site on the internet.

1.22.03 I compiled this list of referrals for you to read. It's Julia's birthday today, please write her and wish her a happy birthday. Update: Happy birthday, Jordy!

1.20.03 No more Mamskams, so please, no more requests. I'm slow getting 'em out, so hold upon your pants. Update: I'm bloated!

1.19.03 I performed my first wedding yesterday, and it's given me the idea that it's the only thing that I want to do for the rest of my life. Then I went to a kegger at Jeff Atkinson's house, where I tried to drink 48 beers, but failed miserably. I walked home and 5:30am and broke into a car and stole a cassette stereo and a box of tapes. I found this pretty good website of punker bands from Cleveland. It has some stories from this band that I was in for a week. It made me realize that I don't miss that crummy city one bit. Update: Check out my page of Shannon Kringen jokes!

1.18.03 Exclusive: The story about how I got beat up by Danzig. Also - check out the interview with Dom 'I'm Pushy' Kaveliski. Just joshin', ya big lug! I'm thinking about inviting Shannon Kringen to Chicago for an art show, so I can stuff her in a tire and roll her down a hill. Update: Eggs are meant to be eaten over easy

1.17.03 I'm in need of samples of urine for some art - if you want to contribute, I'll pay shipping & $3. You just pee in a film conister and send it back. Write here if you are interested. Viva le John Marcher for an amazing Shannon Kringen videotape that arrived in today's mail along with this. After watching the entire tape TWICE, I'm convinced that I want to kill and eat her on sandwiches with mayonaisse, tomatoes and lettuce. This burnt car photograph courtesy of Russ Schneider, totally rad. My aunt sent me this picture of my cousin, who was in a production of the Nutcracker. I'm not sure what she was getting at. Zed Smith gave me these sheets of paper that he found in a Foghat LP, fantastic. Oh, and I didn't really date the Rebecca Anderson from the 11.02 entry. The only reason I bring this up is because nobody seemed to get the joke. I did date the Rebecca on this website that sells t-shirts for teenagers or something. We broke up because I failed to grow any taller. She's like 6'9" and I'm 4'8". We kinda looked like Master-Blaster from Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome. Update: I think I have mono or something. I'm going bakc to sleep. I'm going to re-watch the Kringen-atrocity as I do it.

1.15.02 Hey - Mamskam mix! It's free! Get it here! I'm pretty obsessed with Shannon Kringen. She reminds me a lot of pork rinds. You've got to watch this video, it's extra gross and dumb. Oh, I put the 1st James EP & LP onto a CD for myself. If you want a copy, I'd be happy to hook you up. Oh, and my two cents on this whole war thing - I can't wait! People running around, skin on fire, all ashen and what-not. I just hope we get attacked, cause I'm in the mood for some serious looting. Update: Party hard!

1.14.03 Thanks to John Marcher: Shannon Kringen & bloody tampon. Charles (Chicklets) & I played a marathon game of foosball - 3 hours long. I got creamed 180 to 139. I'm crushed. Other than that, I picked up some Bill Hicks CDs at work, and ate pizza for dinner. Update: I'm sneezy!

1.13.03 Hey, has anybody seen this website? Julia's parents got us a foosball table so, I've pretty much just been playing foosball. All I want to do is play foosball. All I think about is foosball. I mean, I did eat a Gondola from Avanti's, but then I just played some more foosball. Pete Townshend wants to look at them before they get old. Update: Some people were puking in the doorway of the building next to mine. Sweet!

1.11.02 Finally - the internet redeems itself! From Russ Schneider: these seem like my types of people. I sure hope this guy is a long lost relative, because we've totally got to party. My ex-girlfriend, Rebecca Anderson got married. We dated a LONG time ago. I hardly even recognize her. Here's the Sloth discography in japanese - god bless Dom K. I updated their record review in the LP section, because he totally made me. Look for an interview soon. Update: Dolly Parton is stacked!

1.10.03 Here's "Turtles Have Short Legs" by Krautrock kings Can and the Driver's Ed Section of Parapper The Rapper for Playstation 1 - you be the judge. I'm pretty drunk right now, but I'm going to try to get a new mix done - it's going to be called the Mamskam mix, so, like, look for it. Oh, Ed Smalling took this picture in his old apartment, which was like, a total dirtfest. He is, nonetheless, one of my best friends. Oh, judging by the dozens of e-mails that I got, the site was down for a bit last night. Sorry, my service provider is most likely a bunch of puttyheads. I didn't notice because I was wasted on sleeping pills. Oh, did you buy a CD between 1995 and 2000? Well, the RIAA owes you money. This link courtesy of FYD, because John Marcher has been spot on as of late. I meant to include the credit card receipt from Sally Timms that I got today, but instead you can have my grocery receipt from last night. Update: Destroyer is the best band in the world!

1.06.03 I found this link to an unreleased Violent Femmes record when I was updating the LPs section. Russ Schneider gave my phone number to some kooky Nigerian and he called last night at 3:25. He asked for Max Power, but I was in a sleepy haze, so I told him he had the wrong number. I was kicking myself! We could have talked about how stupid the US president is! Update: Julia made cookies

1.04.03 In 10 days it will be Jordy's birthday. It will be Julia's birthyday in 18 days. I'm not sure what I'll be getting either. Sometimes I call Julia Jordy. Sometimes I call her George. This record cover used to scare the shit out of me as a child. I'd stare long and hard at it. The sad robot's eyes. The terrified crowd running for cover. I've gotten a lot of mail expressing that my new haircut has people worried about me. What you should be worried about is the fact that I compulsively smell my fingers. All day long. Fingers get so dirty! Did you know that Jim Newberry ran this website as well as this one? Me neither! Please take some time to listen to this soundclip of Wesley Willis & Howard Stern talking about "Mrs. Butterwerbs", because I think it has got to be the god-damned funniest thing I've ever heard in my entire life. Hey Alyce, thanks for coming in to visit me at work. Update: Sick again!

1.02.03 Hello! This flyer was found on a CTA train. Here's some pictures from Ireland. Oh, you've probably noticed that I've shaved my head. It's mainly because I love the music of Moby & Midnight Oil. Many thanks for all of the holiday wishes, you inter-netters sure are nice!

12.25.02 Congrats go to Mary Janson who won the Kathy Mcginty CD, kudos! I'm going to leave the country for awhile, but don't try to break into my house, because somebody is staying there, and he loves metal. Happy holiday.

12.24.02 Russ Schneider's Nigerian scam letters. Oh, I bought a remote controlled airplane from Target and lost it 2 hours later, here are the missing posters. Erdman-link #1. Erdman-link #2. Erdman-link #3. Erdman-link #4. Erdman-link #5. Erdman-link #6. Oh, happy holiday - the first person to e-mail here gets a free Kathy Mcginty CD and some other stuff. I'm going to take pills and sleep for the next 9 days, so probably no updates.

12.21.02 Sorry no updates, I pretty much have pneumonia. I did spend some time laughing at these pages here, because they are unfunny in a very funny way.

12.19.02 Here I thought I had introduced the world to collected pay phone numbers and sharpeworld had it two days before me. There's a new Future Cobras track called "The Ballad Of You", it's posted above. Otherwise, have you heard about this? It actually sounds like a pretty good idea to me. Scorched earth, indeed.

12.18.02 You've simply got to check out this totally great page of sound samples from telephone error messages. It comes from a page of collected pay phone numbers, which must simply be the best website on the entire internet. There's a new song by The Future Cobras, listen here. Rachel Ruben wrote to tell me that they have good guacamole at Cosco, but I haven't tried it yet. Here's an avocado FAQ, just in case. I think Rachel works at a museum of some sort. Russ "Nigerian Ball Buster" Schneider has got some scam letter replies on the way - stay tuned, they're a hoot!

12.16.02 I added an interview with John Piche. I made a pretty crummy trip to the thrift today. I didn't find much - I did get a Century 21 t-shirt and this mask. I had hoped to link Lloyd's furniture website from mine sooner, in repayment for the great lox that he said he picked up at Costco. If anybody has a membership there and wants to pick me up some good stuff, let me know. I'm totally depressed, so I'm going to punch a mirror or something. Kooky eBay auction #1, kooky eBay auction #2. Update: No update.

12.13.02 Holy good god. The time for suicide is quite nigh, and for one simple reason: I've been reading Live Journal entries. It's friday night, and I'm at home reading Live Journal entries. Lord in heaven, strike me down asap, natch. I would like to comment on a few. I can't tell the gender of this person. And this one ran into her son at a showing of the movie "Barbershop"! That's PG-13 and this girl doesn't look a day over 23, so that's totally - ewwww. Though we all know people that look quite hideous can make themeselves look nice on the internet. Hooray for the internet! Oh, and she posts her cell-phone all over her journal! If you want it, it's 630.220.9919. Call her and tell her that you want to order a pizza. I just did! I heard that Mary from Stereolab died, so I went to Stereolab.com to check out the news. There wasn't any news there, but there was an awesome link to Rob Thomas from Matchbox 20! Update: I beat the shit out of Moby!

12.12.02 Here's a slew of recent Syd Barrett pictures. Lorna and I worked together today. This lady came in asking for two movies, "The Unmarkable Princess" & another I can't remember right now. Lorna told me that when she worked in SF, a customer came in and asked for "Barnyard Frenzy" & "Cambodian Doughnut Dream". Man, I laughed about that for hours! With all this Lorna talk, you'd think I'm Lorna-crazy! I'm going to bed now, I'm tired. Update: I'm getting chubby!

12.11.02 I put a sign on this car. Please read about it. Oh, be sure to check out the site of the guy who got me into making websites, Chris Ciraulo. Update: I'm itchy.

12.10.02 I have some sort of stomach flu, I've been throwing up all day. Mostly that yellow bitter tasting stuff. I forgot to add pumpkin smashing pictures from the party, check them out here. I've been uploading MP3s to my new Rio Riot, it's taken for the last 6 hours. I had a turkey sandwich, but it wasn't very good. Read about it in the lunch section. Other than paying rent, I haven't left the house. Every time I get up, I throw up. If anybody wants me to send them some, e-mail me here. Thanks! Update: There is a house in New Orleans.

12.09.02 This may be long winded at times, so if you don't feel patient - click here instead. Because I've been wondering, who gives a flying fuck? And then I realized, I do this for me, because I'm pretty fond of myself. Oh, I'm listening to Dub Housing by Pere Ubu and I don't have pants on. Friday was my 29th birthday (those pictures aren't mine at least.). So I'm pretty much near the end then. On friday, I had a giant birthday party. Pictures are here. On saturday, I went to a wedding party. I got to hang out with a psychedelic freak-out case! On Sunday Julia & I fed 25 people dinner. Pictures are here. There was supposed to be a post-dinner wiffleball game, but I just ended up hanging a giant Charles Manson poster on the outfield fence, instead. On both days I took part in the dismal Pilsen Holiday Crafts & Smug Patrons "art fair". I'm sorry that there hasn't been an update in so long and I'd like to thank everybody who wished me a happy birthday. You are very kind. See all y'all in the afterlife. PS. If you want some orange juice for breakfast, don't invite Stan & Destiny to your house, because they'll just drink it all. Oh, there's a new interview with Karey Markovich in the interview section. Lobster mixes are on the way to those whom have requested them. You can't have any more because they're all gone. Update: I'm kinda tired!

12.01.02 Alyce, You know, you're right! And I don't know how it slipped my mind for so long, because I check your page quite often. It would be nice if yourself and Doug could come to my party next week. It would be good to see you. Thanks, Derek. Update: My lips are chapped!

11.30.02 Thanks to Dave Piper, the secrets of the Time Cube have finally been revealed. Kudos, Dave! The Lobster-mix is going quick, there's only 5 left. Get whilst the getting is good. And don't forget to come to my party, dummy.

11.27.02 I've been shut-up in the house for the better part of the last 72 hours. It's not exactly healthy. Julia is in New York visiting her brother "two-tank" Charlie. There was a high speed police chase in my neighborhood last night, here's a photo of a speeding cop car. Here's a picture of me in front of the vaults, which will cull the next bits of the Lobster-mix, get it here. It's a free mix CD, dummy. Oh, Jim Newberry has these extra-rad 360 panarama pictures, you should see them. Update: I'm totally messed up on Diphenhydramine.

11.26.02 Boy, thanks for all of the e-mail. I'll never cease to be amazed by the amount of popcorn that you get out of what you put into the pan. You see, I'm into the stovetop method and you hardly have to put any in. My plan to make these entries as pointless as possible is absolutely working. Please do not try to use my guestbook, it doesn't work. Oh, it works now on a crummy remote server. Update: I'm eating Starbursts!

11.25.02 Geez, will somebody please write me some e-mail? Nobody ever sends me any e-mail anymore! Congrats to Will Zech and his new wife to be. Kick ass, dog! Update: I'm not wearing any pants!

11.24.02 Further proof that the singer of Creed is a total sissy. But then again, why should I even care about the singer of Creed? Well, there's good reason - because I'm thinking p-o-s-i-t-i-v-e! Pictures of Halsted to the north and south. A picture of me with a wig. Listen to my cat here or above. Please keep it real. Update: I got The Streets CD, it's totally sucky! Oh, and the lunch section is back in c-o-m-m-a-n-d! Further update: My hands are cold!

11.23.02 You can buy this skull & crossbones painting, if you'd like. I listened to Nevermind by Nirvana tonight, and I realized...Kurt Cobain ruined life as I once knew it. I used to enjoy little secrets, and then all of the athletes in my high school started listening to Husker Du. Without Kurt's songs being such hugh hits, there would never have been bands such as these and these. So, wherever you are, king of grunge, I hope you find eternal turmoil. Jerk.

11.22.02 If you are the 12,000th visitor to this page (look at the counter below), contact me and I will send you a nice gift.

11.22.02 Wenn Sie sind der 12,000th Besucher zu dieser Seite (den Zähler unten) anschauen, berühren Sie mich und ich werde Ihnen ein nettes Geschenk schicken.

11.21.02 Julia and I are laughing at some seriously stupid websites. Websites are absolutely dumb! Here's a sampling: 1. "Down With Beauty" 2. Drunk Driver, Drunk Pedestrian 3. Bobby Fischer would consider me a 'weakie'. I did a google search of the words "torpedo tits" tonight. It was at that moment that I knew my life was over. There is going to be a show in Hyde Park this weekend: 1,000 bands in 7 hours. That is fucking rad. This band will be there. You should shop at this record store. I don't work there. I work here. Is everything ok? Update: My feet are cold

11.20.02 I just found out that HarperCollins has agreed to publish a book that I've written called "I Took Too Much". I'm pretty thrilled as well as shocked. I'll be giving away 100 copies here, so I'll let you know when I get them. I called to tell my mother, but we just ending up talking about all of the drugs that she took while I was in her womb. Apparently I was at the Rolling Stones concert in Vienna in October 1973 for the Goats Head Soup tour. I was still in the belly. Here's a picture of a Charles Manson stencil. Here's my tribute to Michael Jackson's latest stunt. I got an e-mail tonight from some guy who said I should have more pictures of cars on my website, so here's a a picture of my car. I just keep giving. Give, give, give. I never take. I like you. Update: I just got a bloody nose!

11.19.02 Here's some pictures of a girl who got drunk and passed out at work. I can't say where she works, but it's a copy shop and the name starts with a 'k'. Man, I had the weirdest phone conversation with Craig Martin this evening. He played in the band Cruel, Cruel Moon - whose "1,000 Different Ways" I've posted above. I played drums in this band from 1995 to 1997. Great songs, fantastic people. Oh, I'm decided - this blog shit is easy as pie! You can just steal other people's ideas! And it's not like they'll know, because they stole them also! I've been playing this game to no end as well as browsing this art. All taken from this site, for the simple fact that I didn't get proper Kathy Mcginty credit. Fucking Kathy Mcginty! Oh, yeah - the mansters are gone, a new one will be up soon. Thanks for writing. Tomorrow, the oven!

11.16.02 "Can I Get More" was recorded live at the Hideout from the "Demons On Damen" CD - limited to 15 copies. They all went like hot cakes. It's quite a nice song, please enjoy it. From the Derek, Jen & Raissa era. Remember Karyn from savekaryn.com? Here's a list of her latest round of eBay auctions (eBay is an electronic bay.).. Have a look at her CD selections. If you need more proof that she is the perfect trixie, then you're a schlub. At least she's getting rid of these CDs, but she did buy them in the first place. She needs assassinated (that's an Ohio-ism). I tried to convince some people last night about a devil baby from Jane Addams' Hull House (which is a stone's throw from where I live) that smokes cigars and drives a convertible Cadillac. Everything except for the Cadillac was spot on. I've been puking all day because my diet for the past two days has consisted of sausage and steak. We're playing wiffle ball tomorrow at about 9pm, contact if you want in.

11.15.02 I usually don't care about much, but I do care about groceries. And what's fucked is that Dominick's employees are going to go on strike. And if they do, Safeway said they'll close all Dominick's stores. If that happens, I'll wrap my honkey lips around the business end of Barta the Volvo's exhaust pipe. And I will inhale with all of my might. I will suck the fumes with all of my might. I will breathe the doom with all of my might. Here's a picture of me with a giant poster. Here's a picture of my Alfred E. Newman pumpkin. Here's a picture of my commentary on terrorism and candy. I'm going to Jim Newberry's to eat steaks and brats, holmes. Feel free to buy this expensive keyboard that I just put on eBay. I bought it from my mother who bought it for her toothless boyfriend. If I sell it, I'm going to get a Laptop and a Rio Riot MP3 player. Why would you care about any of this?

11.14.02 I'm absolutely obsessed with the new Destroyer record. I listen to it in the car, and then at work and then at home. I listened to some Stooges, and then I listened to Destroyer again. I finally got my pictures back from the opening of Spiderman. I talked to Stan Lee and he asked if I liked the movie, which I told him that I did, a little. I asked him if he liked metal and he said that he did and then I asked him to prove it. So he did. there is only one Manster hot mix left, I suggest somebody snatch it up. It's free, you know. Geez, how dumb are you people? Oh, I've been getting A LOT of traffic from Punkplanet as of late, I'll send $5 (PayPal or cash) to the first person who can tell me why. I can't seem to find it. Sanks.

11.13.02 Double Decker Bus was a band that I was in during High School. Brent Collins and Karey Markovich were in the band also. I've recently been corresponding with Karey, apparently she lives on a deserted island on the US Atlantic shore. Kudos, Karey! Here's a giant picture of Julia with a bloody nose. It's real blood, no fooling. It just looks fake. She gets bloody noses from the dry air of winter. Kudos, Julia! Also, here is a picture of the Animal Style 4x4 from In n' Out Burger taken by Mr. Johnny Balmer, who was smart enough not to erase all of his pictures. Kudos, Johnny! Thanks to everybody who wrote in to claim my post suicide belongings. I chickened out after all. John Brearley is thinking about the old "noose and rafters" routine, drop him an e-mail and see what he'll pony up. Oh, and check out the new personals section, it's a hoot!

11.12.02 I am terribly depressed and thinking about hanging myself. If you'd like to take part in the division of my estate, feel free to e-mail me (before it's too late, of course...I don't know who's going to be handling things afterwards.) I have quite a large number of nice things. Many of which can make you a handsome profit upon eBay.

11.11.02 I spent the weekend in Los Angeles. For work. I shopped for records. No shit. My job is A-#1! The weather was quite crummy, lots of misty rain and grey skies, everybody kept commenting on how that type of weather never sets foot within the city limits. Which I'm sure is quite true. There were a lot of car accidents because of the rain. I took some pictures - some REALLY great ones...pictures of 'Animal Style' 4x4 hamburgers from In 'N Out Burger, Studio City hot pics, an empty Sunset Blvd. on a friday night. I erased them all on accident and took these in a last ditch effort to self-document. I met a fantastic bunch of peeps from all over the US and Canada. I met the son of rock producer Gary Usher, who owns the actual Gibson played by Kevin Cronin on this record cover. I still dislike Kevin Cronin. I ate all-you-can-eat sushi. Drank plenty of beer and ate at one of the most fucked-up restaurants in the world. I bow to everybody that I met on one of the funnest weekends I've had in a long time. Keep riding the storm out.

Check out the Husker Du database - courtesy of the Jockey Club show list link courtesy of the FYD website.

11.06.02 Today I went to eat at Taco Fresco with Jen. It has to be the absolutely worst food restaurant ever opened. If you are ever near one and hungry, I suggest that you eat a sandwich that you made earlier. I've been creating this website for work, plus I had to go to court today, so I had to dress up. Oh, and I'm having a birthday party on December 6th, so you should come, if you are invited.

11.05.02 Dustin Drase is totally drunk. I bought a copy of The Screamer CD today. It's the same that I had listed on a cassette from 9th grade called Joe Curran Talk Show Pranks. Rachel Ruben gave it to me. I got an e-mail message from a girl named Emily who said I should swear more on my page. Otherwise she likes it. Heck. Oh, speaking of all things funny, you've simply got to hear the 'Daddy's Curses' audio clips from the wonderful folks at Aquarius Records. Neighbor Todd knows a guy who knows a guy that made the original. Those fuckers over there can make some mean BBQ, no shit. Fuck, shit fuck.

11.04.02 There's an italian restaurant in Peoria, IL called Avanti's. They make really good bread. I implore you, if you have the means, to enjoy a Gondola. I hear that the pizza bread is good, but I haven't had it. So I wouldn't know. Tonight I played video games and went to Dave's and drank some beer. Judas Priest covers a song called 'Race With The Devil' on the Sin After Sin remaster CD.

11.03.02 I've eaten 6 bowls of cereal in the last 11 hours.

11.03.02 I've been spending a lot of time researching forgotten celebs of yester-year. Like this one or these ones. I wrote and recorded a song called "A Death Threat" that is posted above. There's also another track, that's from a Casio SA-2. Please enjoy them.

11.02.02 I redesigned nearly everything to look like fyd or glossosaurus or sharpeworld. I remember hearing something about imitation being the sincerest form of not having an original idea. Or something similiar. So now I'm going to take up the blog format and try my best to get into the next issue of People magazine. Or at least this website.