Entries from days of yore. Enticing, eh?
Entries from days of yore. Enticing, eh?
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THERE IS ANOTHER ARCHIVE, IT IS HERE. 12.12.06 Two new books: Irritating Corpse & Some Women's Products, also the hand on my wall & a wonderful GG Allin radio promo that includes his telephone number! Call it! He's dead! 12.11.06 Oh, it is so true that I did indeed have an age-related freak-out. But who would have thought that everybody would BUY that I cancelled a party? Word got around that it was actually cancelled, so it turned out to be me and some teenagers drinking beer all night. There was indeed a lobster dilemma but I DO have to thank all of the people that gave me nice gifts of markers and cheese & stuff. I'd thank people by name but some would are embarrassed by that type of thing. I've been selling a lot of records on eBay and as I pack them I search for the buyers on MySpace - sometimes I win! Other than that, I have nothing to tell the internet, though you can look at pictures of my Christmas tree, a bird, Keats & Hannah ready to box. Oh, go ahead and listen to all of my voicemails for the past week! Here's some piano music! Nobody is going to buy my Conky painting, but you can at least watch this Conky video clip, Brian McConky.
12.04.06 Man, December! It rules! Jim Noodleberry wrangled us VIP tickets to ROCK4KIDS auction and we ate plates of good tasting food with our fingers. Later I bid $1000 on a Guns & Roses guitar, for kicks, just so I could tell you about it! Also, I will tell you about STAIRWAY TO STARDOM (thanks Nick). Holy oh my god. It was an 80s NYC public access Star Search rip-off. Highlights are "Crack Head", "You May Be Right", "Good Ship Lollipop", & THE ETERNAL PRECIOUS TAFT. It looks like all of them were posted by the untouchable Jennifer Sharpe, who was the one that got me into making websites in the first place. Plus you can look at "Bad Burgler" & "Meth Users Freeze To Death". Dude, remember that time Julia wrote me in 2001 pretending to be another girl to see if I'd try to hump her? Oh that was a riot! Otherwise there are some new things in the paintings & illustrations sections, if you're into that. It's my birthday and I'm going ice skating. 11.29.06 To whomever send birthday wig & mask: THANKS A LOT. If you like music from Cleveland, you'll love: MIRRORS vs ELECTRIC EELS. Clay Silva said: OH MY GOD NYHC ON DONAHUE 1986! Other things include: Charlotte Pressler's Those Were Different Times, Dave Thomas talks about RFTT, Sally Crewe's phone on a phone. Buy things on eBay, yeesh. 11.27.06 How can Thanksgiving not be the best holiday? Aside from the cooking and cleaning, the eating is the best thing to do all day (and all of the time). In time for Christmas, I'd like to have somebody invent a tray-stomach that I can remove and pour out eaten food so I can eat more. I had an adequately pleasant Thanksgiving with nice people that did the cooking for me in a private restaurant that didn't charge money. There were all types of people there: smelly, nto smelly, bearded, not bearded, grumpy, arty, quiet, loud & more. I swept & washed counters as my self-appointed chores. There was Chuck French & A Child and A Beast On A Beast, later a fire & Newberry taught me how to use my macro lens. I don't remember a thing that happened on Friday-day, though I'm sure it involved lazing which I'm good at lately. There was a music-party at my house at night with PMFS & Beaten Awake. House guests are fun and awful. Some of them are smelly & drink your beer and eat your food and don't say thanks or clean up after themselves, or at least bring their own beer or food ever. Some of them do and are extra careful to not over-step bounds. I hate having to clean the bathroom after a half-dozen showers & I try not to even enter while the steam-gross is still in there. Everbody left the next morning and I slept for most of that day, which was Saturday. I watched Con Air & Murder At 1600 on TV and PMFS came back at 5am to sleep again. I was asleep at this time but I suspect some people looked at me. Sunday I went to the skatepark on Wilson with Jusin Vick & made exactly 7 runs which included approximately 28 back-side grinds (1 2). I studied little girls, this is called "Thanks A Lot, Dad" & there's a bird in my house. Hannah came over and I made stuff (1 2 3 4), I suspect if you missed the Slits show you will enjoy these semi-rare MP3 sides: Bootleg Discography & Typical Girls Won't Pay more than $8, So Why Should You? Via wow-wow-wow-wow: Walter Vaughan on the bike, people drunk in the park, and really nice other photos. Via me: "Hey Kramer", "L'il Cobain", "Aladin". 11/20/06: Scenes from rooms: paper & plastic, man in the basement, 300 feet away, Jan Terri is the speaker of the house (in Germany), where it's hot, no CT tragedy (monsters), Maria P blocks & soup, not outside, 4 Hannie, I go in here, they shot them, "don't worry, it's clean". 11/17/06: You might not believe it, but I had an idyllic childhood. I recently came across a conversation on tape between my mother & I when I was 3. I turned it into an MP3 so you can get an idea of how things were at Casa De Erdman. HOLY SHIT PATTY IS GOING TO KILL ME WHEN SHE HEARS THAT. Great father Fritz Swanson notes: "I set Oscar in his crib to find a pair of pants in the other room, and when I came back he had pulled himself up and was standing all by himself. Then he turned around and admired his collection of Derek Erdman paintings. And then he was all like, 'That bird/cat thing is freaky.'" Here is new eBay auction: I WILL WAIT, plus look: more records. The best songs are from 1983. They are from a band called MANISCH DEPRESSIV from Switzerland. YOU WILL LISTEN TO THEM. Shara & Lisa Loeb, MLK & James Earl Ray, I just finished a 36 hours Zyprexa zombie, I am now ready to fly. 11/12/2006: Otherwise, OH MAGIC MAN! There was a very nice lobster battle to start off what became for me the greatest weekend of my life. You see, I could eat forever and when there is food everywhere, it's much easier. Here's a tip: you can get hollandaise from Toast and simply make eggs benedict/florentine right at home. Last night I finally met the very old man in spinach fields. I will try not to leave the house anymore, ok? Robert Adams & Jen Reel fed me meat & non-meat respectively, yes thanks! There are wonderful Angry Samoans / VOM things on the YouTube: 1 2 & Rush: 1 2 & a teenager. New Reporter Will Cover Music Scene, buy some Beatles records, ok? I designed a t-shirt for The Effigies, this is what it will look like. 11/09/2006: Everybody's best and only friend. Hey, I used to talk to this guy at a record store I used to work at. He seemed ok. I hope he's better now. 11/07/2006: Here's some advice: it's not a terribly good idea to fake-threaten people with lawsuits if it's possible that said people came to the same conclusion with an image the same way that you did. You can't put salt on rice and then get excited when somebody else does it. Otherwise sweet dudes will write about it, other dudes will find out, and then somebody gets called a baffoon! Before that I drove Helen Stickler from the Chicago Diner to a hotel. Then I discovered that my new neighbor and the band she's in ARE SO FUCKING ON TO SOMETHING. Also: ILLUMINATI SHERIFF DOES CONTROL THE BANKS. Don't be dumb, you knew that. 11/09/2006: They walked & it got sad, so they buried it and then dug it up. 11/06/2006: If you like computers & The Young Ones, you'll love this "VERY META" painted patch. Send address and it's yours. BLACK SABBATH RIOT: "The stage is not a trash can...you've thrown something for the last time and hit Geezer on the head...", "BLACK SABBATH DO NOT APPRECIATE BEING HIT BY FLYING OBJECTS!", "1776 was a long while ago!", "What do you think of this shit? - I think mongoloids rule man!", "MAN, IT'S FUCKING A RIOT!", "BLUE OYSTER CULT!", "We had good fucking seats, too!". 11/02/2006: "One Lousy Competition: Derek Erdman Sings Leonard Cohen" CD is a limited edition of 3. I'm giving them away to the first 3 people to send an email with their address (CDs are all gone: thanks George, Ryan & Todd). It seems that MySpace, Chili's or a band called, ahem, "Red Suit Space Jump Apparatus" has stolen one of my cat heads for a show poster. Question is, who do I sue? If Chili's, how many Awesome Blossoms can I eat in a 1 year span? (Thanks Liz). I took a Steak & Shake plate, if you're interested in buying some of the B-section of my rock record collection, go right ahead. There's new stuff here & Stan Wood's 3-D Pacman Swastika With Grateful Dead Bears is looking JUST OK. 10/29/2006: I did indeed drive the car all over the place. I did decide at least to scan the animal crackers. I'm sorry that I could not tell you that I was leaving, I was very afraid of burglers. There are books in Ohio, look at what they say. "I don't want kids", look: hacked line rider! If you are a member of Erdflix, here is the catalog. If you are not, please ignore that. UPDATE IS BACK: basement etchings: 1 2 3 4, Julia got a 176 on her LSAT - steak dinners for EVERYBODY! When you own Horror Business on black vinyl and have the beginnings of a Castro beard, you must be doing something right. 10/20/2006: Listen, I'm worried about Bill. I know I shouldn't be as I don't really know him. I didn't know the guy I almost hit with my car last night either, but I'm worried about him too. He slapped my car and yelled some stuff after I almost hit him, so technically we're square in the Exodus sense. I WAS SO GRUMPY YESTERDAY! Man, I just yelled and yelled. Earlier I painted some stuff and talked on the phone. I found an answering machine in the garbage and decided to get rid of my voicemail. I'm frugal now & also screen my calls. I turn all of the phone ringers off and the volume on the answering machine up so every now and again somebody just starts talking. Do you like to bet? You can bet that the Cardinals will win the world series. This is a fact that I can assure you about about. I will even back up your bets if you lose. But you won't. I'm going to miss Bob Mehr. In the short time I've known him I've burned so many of his DVDs. Now he will get new DVDs and CDs in Memphis and I will not have access to them. WHAT TO DO? Goodbye Bob, thanks for all of the sweet hangs. I found the KING OF MYSPACE, he was under the couch the whole time: fake name generator. 10/17/2006: The man I was two weeks ago was a tyrant & was in chains. I've been looking at (a/the) computer screen for 968 hours during the last week, fixing up art-sale website. There was a birthday dinner for Hannah "Wild Hannie" Woodroofe here that included 15 people, corn eating champion, candles and a turkey that I picked up, met, pet, paid for and carried home warm. Do they have machines that yank feathers out? I dunno. That place sure was smelly! PLEASE COME TO FALL NIGHT TONIGHT. I told the guy at Danny's that it would be "packed". Perhaps I should have said "guaranteed ghostly". On a related note I buried a bird with Jen "great arguer" Reel. I don't have anything else for you, I'm sorry. I've been looking at picture files and then smaller or bigger picture files. You understand though, we are friends on the internet. Have a look: Georgie/GoodWood/Mew-er COMBO. We did charades, it went: big pants, arm chop: TALKING HEADS. Very fun and lonely, my thought brain is in outer space, I sleep weird and eat bad. Lately exercise = "writing". 10/09/2006: I use parties, which means to me that I have them for a reason. I guess that reason is to meet a number of people in the comfort of my own home. Oh, it's so true: I like to meet people. It's a real question to weigh whether it's worth a mountain of mess and cretins going through your cupboards to meet a guy from Philadelphia in a Scarface t-shirt. A guy that would say something like, "you shouldn't have all of these things around, somebody is going to take them" while also stating that he had never been east of Pennsylvania. I did indeed make this man a hotdog with celery salt and tomatoes and we became friends. He told me about his job printing phone books and I told why I like downers so much and why Chicago is such a nice place to live. There's no way I would have bothered to talk to this person otherwise, though he was sitting so close to my CDs. There was a time when Hannah and I were working at HPR and a man came in and said, "I just had all of my CDs stolen, now I know what it's like a woman has been raped". HOLY SHIT! I've had things stolen from me in the past, tapes, bikes, car stereos. I remember having to move the seat forward after getting into my car for the first time after it had been broken into. When I get drunk, I talk. A LOT. So at parties, nervous that somebody is going to take something, or is planning to come back at a later date to take EVERYTHING, I get to drinking. Eventually I'm talking, usually in circles to some dudes about the best Wu-Tang solo record which I really know very little about. But I pretend I do and then talk about shoes and art and money, all the while thinking about string and cats and popcorn. Making for very good conversation, indeed. So at the end of the night I'm left with a swamp of dirt water, cans, cups and cigarette ends and a list of dumb things I said. I was thinking earlier that I had lost faith in people and that perhaps it was time to become selfish. Then I switched to thinking that I had lost faith in living and that I'm really tired of everything having a catch. Then I got to thinking, man, I'm going to have one bitchin' New Year's Eve party with 5 kegs and 7 bands. If you took one of the following things from my party (or know somebody who did) can you please give them back: Superchunk mug, 2 plain ceramic bowls, cat painting, "Steel Curtain" drawing. Also, if you're the person who brought back the Alva skateboard deck after somebody took it, I'd like to say THANKS, a lot. Here's an Abe Lincoln painting. It's 9'x5' and costs $200. I'd buy it if I were you, it's going to go quick. EAT IT GEORGE. "Sniffing glue, drinking cough syrup and listening to Bill Haley records" - WHO WOULDN'T WANT TO BE A SIMON CITY ROYAL? I am hosting Fall Night at Danny's, you will come? 10/01/2006: Interesting young girls with dead animals: #1 #2 #3 #4. Have you been to Canada? There are so many good things to eat there. I only met 5 people while I was there, one of them was called Joanna. They have chips that taste like ketchup! OK, I stayed at people's houses and was very careful to clean up after myself, I'm a good guest I guess. I watched some things on cable TV (Urban Angel, Littlest Hobo) and slept A LOT. Here are photos: house, mountain, apartment, lake, ground, city, boat, store, magik man, house. Here are videos, they are long and probably not worth the effort: boating, boating, road, road, road, road, road, road, road, road, road. Thanks a lot Claire and Tiffany and Matt F, I am glad to be home. I listened to some AM radio, it's very pleasant. OH, I haven't been busy: "ram-buffalo", "ducker", "dwell", "lid-lag", "rae". Please help me own these things: #1 #2 #3. "Up for bids is very rare ADDAX shoulder mount this is a very very large set of horns on this one." "You dont fined a big one like this everyday." "I'm getting too tired to take care of myself" - Julia Rickert 2006, HANNAH WOODROOFE IS LOST AMONST THE PAPERS, PLEASE COME BACK. WILD HANNIE CANNOT BE TAMED BY TEXT. Happy birthday NAT! 9/21/2006: MOM: I took your AIM toothpaste on accident, very sorry. Also, I told you that I wanted the pay-per-view code on your TV to watch the "Pamela Anderson Celebrity Roast" but I really watched a movie called "Sexy Amateurs #15". Sorry about that. I WENT TO OHIO, HEY: shoes, gramma, animals+food+people, refrigerator, cow video. Beaten Awake = good dudes. My new website = joannanewsomwasinmyhouse.com. GIANT PAUL TEMPEST RELIGIOUS HEAVY METAL MP3: "Pastor Brothers". For the first time in 2 years, NEW INTERVIEW (Lacey "& Cagney" Swain). JOE WORBS AND I WENT TO A BASEBALL GAME AND ALL YOU GET ARE THESE CRUMMY PHOTOS. If you're going to be in Hamilton or Montreal in the next week, let me know. I'll buy the Molson. Otherwise awesome shit: blog of girl I went to jr. high with, MANNEQUINS, Inspirational Female Masks, If you like Van Dyke Parks' "Discover America" then you'll like the record THAT HE STOLE IT ALL FROM, Wesley Willis art site, Maria "Nouvelle Sympathy" Perkovic, OH MY GOD CLEVELAND HARDCORE PICS FROM THE 80s JOHN PICHE IS MY HERO. Happy birthday Jamie Drier. Let's never surrender, ok? 9/11/2006: Oh, so rainy this weekend. So sad. Nine Eleven, so sad. Elizabeth Cotten, live in Portland. Not to mention: T&G Festival (so wonderful, many tough band t-shirts!). If you need an idea of the crowd in attendance, LOOK NO FURTHER. Otherwise, OH MY GOD (never forget): Negative Approach #1 #2, Killdozer #1, Big Black #1 #2 #3 #4 #5 #6 #7, (Dom from Sloth behind the fence next to the blue bathrooms). This is courtesy Paul Tempest, thank him for it, not me. Apple, Commodore 64, TRS-80, Jim Newberry demands that the internet is made of tubes. THE JONESTOWN DEATH TAPE is the last 40 minutes before the Kool-Aide was downed and is a MUST LISTEN. I also endorse: MyDeathSpace, NMUDXM, Random Personal Picture Finder, Little Horses (hey Lacey!), HEY HEY HEY. If I spell stuff wrong, please tell me. SOMEBODY PLEASE TELL ME THE NAME OF THE GIRL IN THIS PICTURE. 9/03/06: PLEASE NOTE: I am no longer a part of Hyde Park Records. I have sold my interest to benefit charity and pursue long distance walking. You may still go there and purchase Luther Vandross CDs, of course. I just won't be ringing you up. My first out of work endeavour was putting a giant John Mark Karr / JonBenet Ramsey painting on eBay AND BOY ARE SOME PEOPLE MAD! Here are some nice pictures to look at and if you kind of like This Heat then you'll kind of like this This Heat live show from 1980. If you happen to find yourself in Franklin, Michigan on Labor Day, stop at the Franklin's Art In The Village. Jason Polan and I will show you how to put on weight by eating sausage sandwiches. Oh, Kissinger. I'm going to be driving around North America for the next two months. If you live in Vancouver, Montreal, Seattle, SF, Mexico City, Austin or Atlanta Georgia, call or email to PUT (UP WITH) ME (.)UP.
8/17/06: "I have made a cake like that one in my own home once or twice." 8/27/06: I'm really sorry that I haven't been talking to the internet lately. In excuse, of course: one being the death of a loved one and the other lack of sleep, etc. I was able to root through some garbage cans 10 minutes ago and my hands came up all smelly. Here's the tape museum, some medical photos, OH MY GOD KID-CRUNKIN' VIDEOS: 1 2 + "Child VS Colonel" (my favorite!). "Colonel Tells The Secret" #2, cats, colonel, kid, child, kid #2, Dancing Outlaw #2, Lil' Dave asks: "Thax Douglas - Classic Or Dud?". I spent 7 hours mopping tonight. Art show in Mollie Edgar's living room(s) was pretty good. I have so much more to tell you but I can't and won't. But I'll talk to you again on Friday. THAT'S THE DAY OF DAYS. Oh, cat talking video. 8/10/06: I was on a plane from Los Angeles to Chicago three days ago. I was wearing moccasins FOR COMFORT and sat in the first row as I was flying Southwest and checked in late and got a good-crummy middle seat. I didn't pee for the whole trip but drank a lot of orange juice and water. 3 hours in I decided it was time and waited in line and finally got into the bathroom. While peeing I noticed how neat my eyes looked in the close mirror. I opened them very wide to watch my pupil change size. I thought to myself that I have very nice eyes and it would be a good idea to keep them opened wider most of the time. JUST THEN MY FOOT BECAME WET. I had been peeing on the floor for 15-20 seconds and it mostly filled the entire floor of the bathroom (which was like a tray). I panicked, sopping most of it up with cheap & thin paper towers. Listen, there's no way I cleaned that bathroom very well. And you know when you go into a bathroom and it's covered in pee and you wonder what type of beast could do such a thing? Hey, that's me! The events that led up to this in reverse order: ate Denny's with Sven next to the LA County Jail, watched The Firm, saw the Labianca House, ate RFD, saw the Tate House, saw the Watts Towers, ate at Millie's, woke up with a hangover, slept, ate Farmer Boys, saw Sven with a bloody head, watched Bill Parkinson barf all over a fence, sold some paintings to people that were nice but might have been robots, bought wine & beer, poured an entire Coke in my lap while eating at conveyor-belt sushi restaurant, woke up feeling good, slept, talked to Ed, Sven & Meriko about early-mid 90s indie-rock, went to scary bar, went to cafe with hot lamps, went to Elizabeth's house, watched Ed hang art, shaved & showered at Treehouse, hung art, woke up hungover, slept well, drank beer with Elizabeth, Ed & Sven, got picked up from LAX by Sven. I can't believe that you just read all of that. Please look at this video from the train on the way there, I CALL IT FUNNY FACE! Here is also me BROOMIN'. Also, here's some stuff from the Pitchfork Festival the week before. HEY: COWBOY COLLECTIVE ART WAR Saturday August 12th 8pm & stuff (address here). Drawings from Elliot: #1 #2, Harry Singh, I miss Hannie. 8/03/06: Oh, Phil C: thank you SO VERY much. I don't know what I'd be able to do with the next 20 hours without dog tranquilizers & mystery pill. When I get back from space-case-place I'm taking you out for a mildly expensive dinner. Oh, I'll have a whole lot of things to say about the wonderful Pitchfork Festival in a few days such as: "chewing guy video", "flies on corn video", "this guy" & "this guy", "old disgust-o toilets", "hello!". "ERDMAN & DEREK". Hey: Black Bear Combo @ Beauty Shop, please go to Unitard on Saturday to say hello, yes we're friends, oh so nice. 7/28/06:
Colin Tappe explains the Middle East conflict as: 7/24/06: What happened? Really, I mean it! Ok, there's a Fat Hitler & Pile Of Volkswagens on eBay AS WE SPEAK. Half-Man & Half Window, here's some stuff going OOT: "Susan Atkins W/ Imaginary Ocelot", "Reagans & Panthers", "Animals in Meadows, City", "Double Brother Dave Gardner (The Interpreter)", "Panthers, Reagans, Squirrels", "Reagan With Ed Smalling Button", "Cones". I call this "The Ant Hill". OH, THIS SO FAMILIAR. Hey, "My Record Collection", (some guy in Vans & "Blue Note Record Collection", NEW JIM NEWBERRY PICTURE DU JOUR. Pitchfork this weekend, I'm-a on the tuss. 7/17/06: HEY fat Hitlers, poem-club & anyone part of the Eagle River/Land O' Lakes "shack pack", listen: DDIAL party pictures, oh! Sartre by Polan, Sorry Soren, camping camping & cramping. Oh, hello GREAT DARYL NATHAN! What are you doing here? Me too! So depressed, yes. Me too! Have you had the new Fiery Habanero Doritos? THEY'RE GOOD! Hey Bob, thanks for ruining my afternoon. 7/11/06: Man, 4th of July! What a doozy! I totally had a nervous/freak-out and then got hit with a firework and my leg turned purple. Harper-Collins called today about using an "image" for a book cover and then noted that I DIDN'T SOUND VERY ENTHUSIASTIC! Dude, I was totally sleeping! Holy Shit, when I'm bummed out I usually just watch this fake Manson pilot TV show, IT'S THE BEST, ZED SMITH WILL LOVE IT! He says, "I've got the eye of the tiger and I don't know who to kill first"! I'm like, YEAH, I KNOW. Ok: "American Dicks & Tits", "Black & White Sluggo (eBay revolution)", "Double Computers", "Hot Dogz", "House", "KKKK", "Women On Ice Cream Cones". MISC Nick Calingaert pictures: WORM TUBE, PIZZA TIME. Putin be kissin' all up on a kid's belly. Ed Jerking's phone trick is the best phone trick ever including all tricks involving the phone and otherwise. CLOCK AND RAZOR LADY VIDEOS: #1 & #2. Sorry I haven't updated, I'VE BEEN SO MAD! 7/03/06: WELL! I received an email from Gidget Gein yesterday, he said that he "really digs my stuff". It took me a few seconds to put together that he was a part of the lunchbox carrying goth-o teen icon band Marilyn Manson and to that I slow grilled some chicken wings for me, Hannah W, and Jim Newble-berry. But what I was wondering, why doesn't anybody write me and tell me that I'm a total fraud? Really what I do is work at a record store and trace clip-art, and I'm 32! People should really just write and say, MAN, YOU'RE A TOTAL DING-DONG! GET A JOB AT THE BANK! It'd do me some good. Oh, people did! And it's here! Update: Hey, Dead Milkmen stuff! (wink, wink). 6/26/06: Man, have some stunningly serious revelations happened up around these parts. Unless somebody says otherwise, I've decided to give my car to a person named Doris Gardner. She was the first to respond and out of 50 applicants seemed the best suited. But look, INTERNET: YouTube = "Wasted Youth - 12 Hours In A Small Town" (totally fake) & "Bas Rutten" ("I'm sorry, no I'm not", MYSPACE HACKED BY BOBBY, giant picture of "THE COLONEL", giant picture of "WALTER SO SAD". I've been working so hard to make paintings of "all-dressed" hot dogs and fat Hitlers for Ed Smalling SUPER "ART" art show at Unitard on August 5th that I've hardly had time to do much else other than OMG INTERNET BLOGGING. Ed#1, Ed#2, Strictly For My Ninjas, "See you guys later, well I mean, hang out if you want". As they say in Italy, "THAT'S ONE-A COOLA RANDY RHODES T-SHIRT-A (cat food)". For dorky Fall fans only: MES's letters to Tony Friel (awesome). 6/17/06: HEY LOOK: I'M GIVING AWAY A CAR! Some recent pictures: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 . Asians for peace: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8. NO ,SERIOUSLY, I'M GIVING AWAY A CAR. 6/13/06: Oh, rummage went very well, what-with the conversion of my junk to other people's junk. Later I went to hot dog party which was gross but did not prove to be "barfy". OK! Please see = NEW-WOODROOFE & Elijah Muhammad (which is $40!), plus things that are on the internet (thanks to NICK C): Buffie The Body, lonely self-sex haver. Now, the last link is internet-old, but I spent many of my formative years in Berea, Ohio, and I think I might even know said person. Regardless, I will in fact, "BRING MY WAR TO YOU". Which means, in fact, PIZZA. Oh, man! I went to Milwaukee! It was very nice there, what-with the buildings and things. Then I left. Where's Andy Moskowitz? Does anybody know? PS. Oh, I gave my MySpace password away, but mostly somebody just posted Kool Keith lyrics to other people's profiles. IT RULED AND SUCKED. UPDATE: If you're normal and don't hang out on online communities, you probably haven't noticed the CONTORTO LIPS going on with teenaged girls today. HOLY MOLY GOOD GOD MACARONI: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14. And THIS! Like, barf or masturbate! Or both, neither, etc. 6/08/06: This week I have spent most of my time not doing a thing, I mean, I did eat a significant amount. I'm so excited for the yardsale this weekend, which you can and should come to. Paul Tempest sent along a cryptic sound file with the typed out dialogue: "Paul, Mazzey - You're not going to believe this, soon as I pulled out of the god damn parking lot, fuckin' truck, hit a rock, coming from over there, hit and busted my fuckin' windshield!". Ed Jerking asked "HAVE YOU SEEN DEAD OR ALIVE INFO?". Sorry I got so dull, my life is filled with joy. 5/30/06: Man, I've been pert-near losing it. Ok, tonight I shaved most of my "parts", and gave myself a good haircut as the heat has been driving me mostly bonkers. Aside from flossin' & combin' (and pictures of thinkin' & laughin') I've been putting stuff on eBay EN MASSE. Tonight I'm going to be in the Jim Newberry religious comedy satire show at the Empty Bottle at 9pm. I press some buttons and read some stuff. Here are some truck photos and some really good Beastie Boys videos from YouTube: 1 2 3 4 5. Last week I spent most of the day at home reading about executions in the USA and listening to my new favorite band THE BETTYS (great MP3s: #1 #2 - OMG I burned these tracks onto a CD and I play them in my new car, it's a station wagon, HOLY S Beautiful Parade on piano!) which lead me J'Accuse, another Kent, Ohio group. Here go some truck photos AGAIN, DOG PUKING GIF, PAUL TEMPEST DEMANDS "Tell your friends to stop looking for Charlie Brown, he is not for real" and sends wonderful Old Towne Trail notice. Where is Amy Rasic ("rolfing")? I'm back on the tuss. It looks to me that Thax Douglas might be ok after all. YARD SALE JUNE 10TH OK! 5/19/06: If you had noticed, I was attempting to put one piece of "art" (term used loosely) on eBay every day of 2006. I've stopped. After what can be called a slight nervous breakdown I've decided that it was more taxing than any good that could have come from it. I went ahead and started a MySpace profile, (user name: derekerdmanATyahoo.com/password: apple1) I no longer update it, other people do. Julia forwarded to me some long-winded religious emails from a girl that she went to Russia with, BOY ARE THEY GREAT. If you're ever feeling down, there's always Heather's Hair. Thanks RHP, I'm glad you're home. The YouTube link below has been removed, it was a dog humping another dog and then throwing up. 200LBU. 5/17/06: "The Dog Co-Starring Of Pleasure And Unpleasantness". Thanks Kev. 5/08/06: If you like Black Flag like I do and went to Kent State like I did then you'll love this page of Black Flag MP3s live from KSU in 1984. Plus here's some great pictures: "That's Ray's Records In Here", "Sports/Music Dudes In Blue", video: WALTER VAUGHAN WRITES HIS NAME. Paul "The Beast" Tempest sent along: "Strongsville Red Hot Chili Peppers Lovin Artchicks Class Of '91" & "Haircuts". Some other stuff = Allison's Travels, Slip It In, Survivors Of Suicide, SUCKS RULES TOTALLY RULES, SUCKS. Exclusive interview with Average Homeboy, I'm so depressed. All "label industries" &" label companies" aside, J&H Productions will give you a picture on a piece of paper for a percentage of the gate (either inside or outside) to give shows together in these places. (thanks CTSB). UPDATE: Are you Travis Butcher? You sent me some money but didn't tell me what it was for. Remember that party I had? Here's some stuff left-over from it: winter-style coat (has parking ticket in the pocket from N. Sawyer), bike helmet, notes & things. THE SPIRIT OF TRUTH "THE O.G. POST": holy shit, Colin Tappe, I owe you my life. 5/03/06: WASSSSUP, DOG! Santa Claus Is A Black Man. 4/21/06: I added more pictures to the page of pictures. LOOK: LADY PUNCH video, whoa. Thanks to Nick Calingaert, you'll "be blazed" when you watch this Youtube video from the Average Homeboy. Hopefully you can help me get my big record contract. 4/18/06: Here's some party pix, Vlad page, PD video via Kevin Todora, 1985 BMX photos, I'd like this book if you can buy it for me, GOT ONE, ok. 4/13/06 Here's some good pictures. They are from YESTERYEAR. I'm having a party on Saturday April 15th at 9pm. I'm hoping that you will come. There are a few reasons for it, if you want the short & long of it, here it is: Double kegger art party, DJ Common Factor, lots of people, "fun". Here's the long & long of it: 100 Paintings For Russian Saturday
April 15th 9pm-4am Featured
Artists: Music by: Common Factor Derek Erdman: Finally moves from bustling/strangled Pilsen to the ancient/fake-yup Bucktown to unveil art wonderland in a converted bakery owned by curious realtor Robert Friedlander (once featured in Untouchables movie featuring K. Costner, the house not the person) which is mainly 3,500 square feet of converted bakery to make (at least soon) an endless amount of drawings/paintings for sale. This particular show is a benefit for a Russian man in desperate need of a new liver. 100 paintings (well, silk-screens on painted circles) are for sale at the price of $15 each (all money for these sold go to the RED person) and other paintings, drawings; INCLUDING: Aline Cautis draws rock/stones, in quarries, riverbeds, REGARDLESS, she draws them well. Unfortunately I can only provide you with slight evidence (http://www.contemporaryartworkshop.org/artists/cautis/GE_med.jpg). The rumor is that she's making Rodney Dangerfield collages & indeed "rocks". She sounded excited. Hannah Woodroofe doesn't like what she makes (http://www.wow-wow-wow-wow.com). She doesn't want to look at it anymore, so it's for sale. It's wild life made from mostly found art supplies, waxy crayons, things that stand out like they shouldn't. I can't tell if this is the first time or last time that she'll be making/showing art, but I'm certainly happy that she's doing it. Plenty of people know Jim Newberry. Reader readers, band members, internet searchers. This particular night will find him showing portraits &/or other photos for sale at affordable prices. Or just for looking, you know, FOR FREE. Digital WWW version = http://www.newberryphotography.com DJ Common Factor makes music and people fly him all over the world to play in dark dance clubs at 3am while sweaty people dance themselves to coma. This night will find him playing whatever he wants which you'll want as well. Hey, website: http://commonfactor.net/ I'm excited as this is the first party at my new house, and the floors are pretty uneven and weak in spots. There was a heavy post in my old house that used to fall on people when the house was full. Perhaps the floor will collapse here. One of the staircases is extra ricket-y. Of course this would actually be a tragedy, but you know...whatever. Unfortunately Jason Polan will not attend, and Bob Peck has to do something with his girlfriend. 04.11.06: Ok, mainly I spent the last 199 hours thinking about cutting off human hands and then eating them, peeling the skin like sunburn into then my mouth WITH A SAUCE - ok, no. Colin Tappe is a genius. Thanks a lot. eBay ended the CM art auction, Craig hated my prank. 04.10.06: Art/record express weekend examples: "Baby Demon (feeding)", I balanced them, I'M CRUSHING THEIR HEADS, I finished 100 paintings, DANCING MOTHER MARY. Hello, my name is Chess Hubbard, it's nice to meat you. 04.07.06: Raging art double-kegger Russian liver benefit: SATURDAY APRIL 15TH 9PM. Flyers in the PDF format #1 #2 #3, @ The Newberry/Erdman Photo-Art Mart: 2068 N. Leavitt. Shown art by Aline Cautis & Hannah Woodroofe, Derek Erdman with photos by Jim Newberry & music by Common Factor. Thanks for coming, it's the day before Easter. 04.01.06: I had a terrible headache yesterday from all day customer kooks so I came home and ate codeine and then the ALARM company called about HPR being robbed, but driving there only revealed the wind had opened the door everybody forgot to lock. The policewomen were very friendly and attractive, one of which named after potatoes. Then I stayed up all night and drinking wine and painting things to take to BLOODY HEART BAKERY, there are some fake John Gacy's there now. There was a person there named Nicole who was very nice and knew who John Gacy was SO I FELT SO DUMB. They didn't have free pizza but Hannah had a $25 gift certificate to Alliance Bakery so we went there to get free food and I got into a giant argument with the people there regarding their sign that read: "we will help you when you are not talking on your cell phone" which is plenty fine BUT YOU CAN'T TEACH PEOPLE MANNERS. Later I ate some quiche from there and felt "pukey". Then we posted a fake Craigslist ad regarding a jilted girlfriend throwing away her boyfriend's things (good, expensive things) in the alley behind her house (which is really my house) and we watched people show up for the next 3 hours IN DROVES. Really, there were well over 100. This would normally be seen as a MEAN trick, but since it's April 1st, it's FUNNY. Then we went to an "art party" which was really a pizza party with art AND SOME GIRL TOLD ME MY SHOES WERE WEIRD. She was of course right and they cost $100. Then we left and now I want to go to sleep. WE'RE GOING TO 420 AND WATCH A MOVIE I CAN'T WAIT. Clocks back tonight. WOW-WOW-WOW-WOW-WOW-WOW-WOW-WOW-WOW-WOW-WOW-WOW-WOW-WOW! Zipped files of animals with other animals heads. 03.30.06: Ok, here's a good list of things I've been eating: The skin around my left index finger, most of my right thumb skin, left thumb skin, right middle finger skin, right thumb parts (cuticle), left and right pinky skin. Dave Piper drove the giant van to Park Ridge tonight to pick up ASTEROIDS DELUXE which now resides at the store. Listen, it's free of charge, but I'll have to assume that people will put money into it nonetheless. I liked today otherwise, I was mostly tired and confused, but I did tend to relax, at which I give HIGH grade points. I talked to some girls on the telephone, one of which told me that ALL GIRLS put things (rocks, twigs) into their "parts" when they are young. IS THIS TRUE? I dunno. So many of things (nails, hair) are ingrown in me, are things always so disgusting? Oh, there's going to be a party at my house on April 15th, please mark all calandars. It's a benefit art show for a Russian who needs a new liver, it's a rather good cause, ok? Otherwise, has anyone given a serious analysis of the Gun Club's Fire Of Love? It's better than Miami, right? I'm so tired of things, giant things that come to attack. Thanks for paying attention to the most important things, not drifting asleep before the ending, I'm planning to diet soon. Does everybody wake up in 3 hour intervals to go #1 in the middle of the night? HOW DOES ONE REACH THE TRUE? Where do things conclude? I like you, you're nice. (evil, awful, confuse, LET'S FIGHT). 03.28.06: Boy, did I ever just stay up all of the night gabbing away with people on the chat and eating pretzels, etc. Here are pictures from Knoxville, if you've never been there you can just look at my pictures and not bother going. Have you ever heard of BOSS SHIT? Well, here's some for you: the best ventriloquist dummy animated GIF that I have, Some stuff from Jason "Art Express" Polan: #1 #2. Hey, his friend went to KFC place too! CLAP YOUR HANDS SAY CRAIGSLIST, I went on a few dates with this girl, IF YOU ARE SINGLE SNATCH HER UP, ok just kidding. I'm going to bed now, it's like 100 o'clock. 03.27.06: Awful House, graves. 03.25.06: I rented a car on Tuesday (9am at professional Enterprise on Milwaukee AVE WHERE THEY YELL AT PEOPLE) and drove mostly not THE WILD but exhausted "spicy chicken" highway system through IN, KY to TN where we were greeted by M. Good and her cat called HAITIAN PRESIDENT . We drove through some mountains, fog, saw fat people, ate things. I thought about email, internet, telephone, arrived at Wynn Avenue and then ate cheeseburgers, went to alcohol bar (Long Branch) with "amazing" "brilliant" "genius" jukebox. Later Deliverance (most citizens) asked if we wanted some candy, went back to house, slept next to dog house, WHICH BARKED, person in car yelling and playing loud terrible music. Next morning went to food places, places that sold things, dead people places, more food, stores, smaller stores, bought a CB from a black gentleman, talked about Kudzu, ate more things, jumped stuff, went to other music bar, hollared, drank, went home and back to bed. Woke up and drove back to Chicago, stopped at KFC museum, food places, saw dogs and kittens in the road, used the CB, ate Steak & Sharks, got home, went to Destroyer show, went to sleep. Pictures soon, thanks. The new thing on eBay is the best. I HAD THE WORST DAY TODAY! Rasta man nearly got in a fist-fight with me, I WAS SO GRUMPY. Now I am better mostly drunk and inert, there's a pile of cinder-blocks behind my house. It's good to know you. 03.20.06: Today I drew the bodies of 15 heavy-set women, woke up late and stayed in bed. Later I took a shower and listened to Van Dyke Parks sing about Discover America, drove to work with Hannah with warm seats and avoided the usual going to work car accident, as I'm still driving a car that I'm going to sell soon. I convinced DD employees to toast my chem-egg and cheese croissant while making a mental note to tell Boomer and Hannah about the differences between the new staff vs. the old staff at Dunkin' Donuts, but completely forgot to. Later I ate: salad, black beans & rice, chocolate M&Ms, Girl Scout cookies from friendly book lender, Butterfinger Easter chocolate eggs. I fixed a computer up, took my shoes off, was stressed and un-stressed. I looked at heavy set women for a long time, curves, posture, I found them on the internet. I'm sorry that people like to eat but their bodies react to this in different ways, perhaps escape routes (under armpits, backs) could be developed to cut-off the food stomach union. I'm going to Lexington, KY to see a field full of corpses and eat weird foods, listen to people talk funny. My life is very nice yet I get so mad at it all the time. I sleep terrible, get mad, yell at friends, I AM A TERRIBLE PERSON. I think people like me because I give them things but this is not the case, I am "joker" not "king" with a funny hat, bells, etc. My cat is starved for attention because there are long periods of time that I forget that she even exists. I make a heap of things on a daily basis that mean very little to me because I'm constantly running from horror. I like to spend money and feel sick from over-eating, kind of drunk, and laugh like no tomorrow. I like and admire things and people without the desire to tell them. I demand attention 95% of the time, and think of ways to cover up the fact that I'm hollaring for everybody to look at me. If you are reading this then you're a rube that fell for the ruse and ultimately this doesn't concern you. I feel great and want to see everybody I know right now at one great big party and we're singing that fucking Chumbawamba song. (endangered runaway, BK, licenses for bribes, check) 03.13.06: Caps, cash, LYNN SWANN, cups, "DUDES LIKE THE FACT THAT THERE'S A COUPLE OF DUDES HERE INSTEAD OF SOME DUDE FAR AWAY COUNTING PENNIES". I love you Boomer Lowe. Could somebody please call Erin at either her office or the front desk? Really, no kidding. I'd like to know what happens. "Hey DAD (gay)". 03.10.06: .wav file of letters, PLEASE BUY MY THINGS FOR SALE ON THE INTERNET: Hub-caps, snowboard, Vespa, camera lens, lotions & stuff, shoes, desk, saw, OK! RHP said to check out some interlinks: (1 2)I was like, YES OF COURSE. Got 11 days worth of time to kill? Then you need to meet my new friend Bruce Armstrong. 03.05.06: Art and food: picture page, this video is called: THROWING TAPE AT THE CAT. I was in a siss-rock band called Beauty Pageant, here is digital file of hard to find cassette Case Quarter. CUPS. 03.02.06: Oh, so mad over punker pictures. Dude, I got totally sick again! This time I had a fever with visions and stuff. It was like drugs, only free and uncomfortable. 02.22.06: Dudes, could y'all do me a big favor? Julia has a school project which involves an anonymous survey. I've posted it here. Please answer it, THANKS. Remember when I went to Haiti? I made some wallpaper for you from the pictures: 1 2 3 4 5. Because we are friends. 02.20.06: The New Vanguard Express Brochure: YOU MUST CIRCULATE TO PERCOLATE. Stills from video - Kent/Akron music scene 80s-now. 02.15.06: Man, I had the best stomach flu for the last 4 days. Mostly I just watched TV and threw up the whole time. There's a guy who steals pens and then sells them to me at a highly reduced rate. 02.07.06: After work last night I noticed that somebody broke my drivers side window. I imagined that all of my tapes were stolen, but really my car just caught on fire and then the fire department came and put it out. Hey, you can still buy it! 02.06.06: Another art show at the clothing store this Thursday evening, here's some picture files of some of the stuff that will be there. WHOA, MYSPACE: Ok, my cousin asked me to put the page of (what seems to be) his "old lady", and in doing so I found also my other cousin (whom I haven't seen since like, 1942), and the guy that walked into the bar in Massachusetts and attacked some people and then died in a shoot-out in Arkansas (complete with praise and then a retraction from his, ahem, lady friend - PLUS, HE WAS A JUGGALO! I am indeed DOWN WITH THE CLOWN as well). The whole point to this story is that Nick Calingaert gave me a copy of the world's greatest poem, you simply have to hear the collection of Paul Stanley's stage banter (here's a tidbit) and my favorite Cruel, Cruel Moon related songs are Pop Fizz (Craig Martin is a manic genius) Laundry Song (Carolyn Getson is a constant source of warmth that surrounds my soul(s)) and Hollow Tree (Tim Gilbride taught me discipline in craft). Otherwise my teeth hurt so bad, I want to take them out and drink shakes, blended foods (pizza, chips, corn, etc). 01.29.06: I love when I discover things that I LIKE (similar to the pita bread that I just found in my shoulder bag from lunch). As far as people made up of zeros and ones go, Elizabeth Cavanaugh might very well be "bees knees": (not a picture of said person, read below)
"This is Kim, she's 26 and she loves Garfield cartoons. She draws Garfield all over her notebooks and forgets that he has cheek lines, despite the past 13 years she's spent manically doodling devotions to the character. Kimmy also needs wet naps after every sack lunch, because she eats blueberry Toast'ems with grape jam on top. It's one nut on the tree away from a pixie stick sandwich. She does it because people who are addicted to sugar are hilarious. They crack jokes about how hyper they're going to be, how much they love being hyper, and how hyper someone they knew once was when they ate some hilarious amount of sugar. Kimmy's best friend is Jayla Stewart. Genetically her body is attractively slender but due to her ignorance of hygiene and poise it is decaying, and besides this she has this moronic looking lower lip that droops due to its extreme fullness. She can't seem to close her mouth when she's done speaking. It's very ugly to see the inside of an orifice for the length of a conversation. What makes up for it are her large breasts, although they are supported only by an old cotton sports bra. The tubular appearance of the pair in combination with her slouching back is grotesque, a synthesis of matronliness and monstrosity, together producing an ill impression that likens her to an old, stinking, somehow lactating parrot, colored brown. For various reasons, she stands in a very masculine posture while conversing, leaning forward on one bent leg, arms crossed. She's obsessed with her own socio-political commentary, which is a rewardless persona to build if you are someone entering the field of interior design." 01.29.06: Whoa, what a week. Thanks to everybody who came to visit me in the hospital. My car is totaled, but I think I'm going to heal alright, other than a slight limp for a month or two. Dude, there's a boss band practicing outside of my house, they're all like, BAP-BOOM-BADA-BADA-DUP. Music is so dumb. Last week after Julia's Whirleyball party a gaggle of "yuns" went to EL ART GALLERY CABARET AND GRILLE where we happened upon GENERAL PATTON AND HIS PRIVATES (#1 #2 #3 #4 #5 #6 #7 #8 #9 #10 #11 #12 #13 #14 #15) (all camera-work courtesy Thomos "NECKBONE" Oakes). Later I puked, it was so awesome. My cousin James' Myspace profile TOTALLY KILLS, it's MOS DOPE! Happy barfday BOB PECK. Holy shit! Remember how my mother's roommate jumped in front of a train? Her landlord is evicting her over it! You want to live with my mom, ok? She makes good eggs (cooked in bacon greases, wiry edges) and IS EXTRA FUNNY! You should probably have cable. OMNISWEET Paul Tempest sent a picture called DOGTRUCK (?), which firmly cements his spot is WEIRDVILLE, but I drank some of my own pee the other night at work, SO WHO'S COUNTING. Update: Common Factor got a website, is going to Berlin (s'awesome). LOOMPANICS going out of business, all books 50% off, JESSIESBATMITZVAH OH MY GOD HOLY FLYING FUCK. 01.24.06: Man, people just keep on dying. Sometime within the last month Phil Fulkerson had a heroin overdose. I used to skateboard with him when we were little. He was always real nice and had the same birthday as my mom. Now he's totally corpse dead. Speaking of my mom, she took in a roomate to help with the rent, he was staying in what was my room at her house. On Saturday night he threw himself in front of a train in Hudson Ohio. It was over a girl named Jackie Baldridge. If all of this bums you out, have a look at Craigslist's Rants and Raves. Man that shit is a killer. Robert Hutton Peck has been really choice lately, have a look here. I think I'm gonna move to Georgia. 01.18.06: I've added things to the thing for you to listen to and then sorry that I don't have anything else for you, I'm kind of busy. Why do you want so many things from me anyway? Stop giving me a hard time. Good records, holy S. 01.14.06: I've done some stuff before, but none of it is as good as DEMON BOW-WOW SATANIC RAP CONCERT flyer. If you haven't noticed, I'm putting something on eBay every day of the year 2006. Until I miss a day and then I'll stop. I don't know where I found this, but here's developed pictures from old cameras. 01.09.06: Riding Records At The Records Store: #1 #2 #3. (mugging (with ocelots) #5). (courtesy Alana Waters), Thanks A LOT. 01.06.06: You must learn: The Arts Of Joe Wroblewski (pronounced Worble-MMRPRKSI) at Bloody Meat Bakery. Thomas/Thomos "Chinos" Oakes sent along some dope Danzing fan-mail with high school photo of said person. Oh my god, me as early teenager: 1 2 3 4, THANKS JOE MALONE. I want to be the first Erdman, but will settle on ALRIGHT! Sweet shit from dudes: ALF Wrestling (Michael Fox), Wayne's Stuff (Paul Tempest), English Menu 3-Star Hotel in China: 1 2 3 4 (Kevin NG, Julia Rickert) NG is pronounced "GUH". Page 4 is the keeper, folks. "Living To Fry The Beef Rice", "FUCK TO FRY THE COW RIVER". 01.01.06: OMG, pictures from Russia. My holiday was so good. My mother came all of the way from Ohio with a van load of plants and brought an egg from one of her parrots that we fried and all took bites out of (1 2 3 4 5 6 video). We spent Christmas watching Northern Exposure, later we played Trivial Pursuit and drank cans of beer. Then she walloped me in Pac-Man Plus. I had to sleep on the couch which was ok. New Years Eve was pretty good as well, we went to the Art Gallery Cabaret Pub Tavern. We then went to my house and I drank a bunch of Absinthe and got really sick and everybody left. I woke up this morning and cleaned all of the leaves off of my roof and it took two hours. Here's a midi file of Auld Lang Syne, here are some GREAT stage rants from the Cro-Mags (1 2), the best picture of Walter Vaughn, A Flipper mix MP3, You Can Never Go Down The Drain Volume #1, A song that Paul Tempest sent me called Colored Cat, 8 pictures of Elisa (1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8), a picture of my cat with one gleaming eye, website of fat man walking across the USA, videos of a child with odd choking symptoms, a sale on shims, songs by wing, THE WORLD OF WILSON RAINWAY, Kevin Seconds responded to me(!), fantastic Ukrainian "artists" page. 12.22.05: Holy flying fuck. The holocaust of film known as Personal Velocity is so wonderfully shitty that it's a MUST SEE. Here's a brief synopsis: The movie is split into three parts. In the first part Kyra Sedgwick (who is a ghastly beast) is beaten by her husband and then takes her kids to a shelter where she acts like an asshole. Then she moves in with the fat lady that she was vaguely friends with in high school, gets a job at a diner and jerks off the owner's retarded son. Second part: Parker Posey is a slut who is an editor in NYC and is going to leave her husband because he's a poor writer. Part three: Fairuza (demon faced ghoul) Balk is pregnant and goes to visit her mother because she was with a guy that got hit by a car. She goes to Dunkin' Donuts a bunch of times and picks up a hitch-hiker who was tortured. At the end she looks toward the sky as if to say that she's keeping her baby. I made a tuna melt while I watched it. I'm going to call Eddie Smalling now, that guy is ALIVE WITH PLEASURE! I've been painting Hitlers. 12.16.05: Ok, I have a bunch of things to write about Russia, but first you can bid on following eBay auctions: WALTER
PAYTON Painting Chicago Bears Derek Erdman KBD Ok,
keep the scene alive in 2005! (dude, j/k!) 12.04.05: Last Sunday I drove with Elisa to Louisville, KY for Burn To Shine. It's like an indie-rock who's who that takes place in a house that's about to be destroyed. I really like to rent cars and drive them funny so the gears change irregularly. We drove around Louisville for a long time and Elisa declared much of it to be a total bummer. The house that was about to be destroyed was owned by an eccentric who's wife died of cervical cancer. Apparently he had a hard time seeing her belongings after she died, so he lived in his van for awhile. He also had a lot of socks. He's in the hospital now after sitting in a White Castle parking lot for two days unable to exit his car with a hip injury. He got his coffee there each day. While the band was playing I took some time out to look at his mail and root through his tool shed. I took some pictures. This week I got a bunch of really nice things for my birthday. I also had an art show at Clothes Optional. Some people had football make-up on. When I was in high school, I loved Run-DMC. So much that I've decided that I'd post this live show from NYC in 1985. Also, I added a new The Fall show. Robert Hutton Peck was just making fun of me as I'm kind of bourgeois now, so I decided to make him like me again. You see, one positive of living in a upper-middle class neighborhood with a roof-deck is that you can throw snowballs at cars and nobody can do anything about it. And you can keep doing it! I remember I got caught for snowballing cars when I was 11 and I totally peed my pants. Since the air is so dry, my skin is also dry. One of my favorite things to do this time of year is to pick my nose until it bleeds. Please believe me, I'm not picking my nose to get anything out, I'm pulling strips of skin off of the inside of my nose. If you can get a good piece, your nose will bleed excessively and almost painlessly. My blood there is thin so it runs down my face sometimes into my mouth and all over my hands. Ribs n' Bibs re-opened next to HPR last week and I was bleeding something fierce when Brenda the owner came in. She's a wonderfully friendly older woman and was a little concerned when she saw I was bleeding. Boomer said, "He picked his nose until it bled." And then I stood up covered in blood and said "I'm going to be 32 next week!". If you don't already on a regular basis, you should check the fantastic holiday punker tracks over at Strange Reaction. That guy so wins. Also good for a laugh are the collectors of Misfits records over at Misfits Central. You could more than likely claim that Doyle's little brother once came to your house and used one of your forks and then sell said fork for at least the price of a pizza. While I'm out of town Magik Markers are playing with The Germs in NYC. That's The Germs. As in, The Germs. What are the odds of a Minutemen tour with the Magik Markers on support? At this point I'd say pretty good. Oh, while I was in Louisville I saw a band called Ultra Pulverize play with MM at the Schadenfreuden(!). I immediately became obsessed with the song That Book Was Written By A Maniac. From what I can gather it's about our man Ultra having to work somewhere while dealing with upper-class meatheads on a regular basis (TGI Friday's?) and explaining that while he has to be nice to this customer, it's only because the employee hand book says so but was indeed written by "a maniac". You should do your best to buy the whole CD (to get the exact lyric which contains the word "shoozeleyfeet") and see them live as soon as you possibly can. Ok, I'm going to Russ |
